What’s funny about addictions is that you do not view them as addictions. In fact, we believe they are just habits or something harmless that we do to relax and or simply because it’s enjoyable.
However, addictions can be extremely harmful and can begin from drinking a few martinis every weekend, to smoking cigarettes on occasion, trying weed for the first time, to having sexual relations with multiple partner, to watching pornography once or twice, among many other things.
My go to comfort was drinking because I enjoyed dwelling in the sensation of carelessness and freedom. So much that it consumed my more than my weekends leading me to consume drugs because the alcohol just wasn’t enough.
I had this immense emptiness that I did not want to recognize. I chose not to recognize the void that I had in my heart. I did not want to admit that I wanted wholeheartedly to be loved. I wanted wholeheartedly to be admired and to feel a sense of belonging.
I fed my emotional hunger with substances and pointless relationships that led nowhere. The truth is that I did not know how to satiate this never ending thirst for more and for a true love.
What I failed to realize is that this thirst was born in childhood.
As a child I yearned to feel loved by my father yet he did not recognize my needs.
This yearning lingered as a grew and never left me. The yearning into emptiness that needed to be filled.
Many people live their lives with this great void that they’re not even aware of which leads them to seek for many avenues pursuing to fill that whole deep in their soul.
This is Part 2 of my story.