Christian, Depressed & a Hospital Bed

People think that because I’m Christian my life is bulletproof.
People believe that because I’m Christian my life should be close to perfect and that’s far from the truth.

People are not accepting the Christian faith because of the many Christians that portray the Christian lifestyle as this peaceful, hopeful, loving joyride.

This is far from the truth.

I’m tired of Christians living manicured lives, myself included at some point.

My life isn’t perfect.

I go through many struggles and probably even more than the person who does not have a relationship with God. I have gone through moments of depression, moments of loneliness, moments where I do not feel that God is listening to me and moments where I want to quit my faith walk.

BUT I don’t QUIT because it’s been in my darkest moments that I have seen God the most.

I want to confess TODAY that as a Christian woman who lives a pretty strong prayer life, I endured a terrible marriage crisis.

I felt hopeless and depressed. Although I went to church almost 5 times a week, listened to Christian music and I persisted in prayer, my sadness failed to dissipate. In fact, it grew into a little monster that led me to have a drink every night while I cooked. Although this seemed innocent at the time, it fed my need to blur out my reality. However, it was only temporary and fake fulfillment of course.

One night, I got so wasted and my anger and rage took the best of me, I had one too many that I ended up in a hospital bed. What’s even more crazy is that my sister told me that although I was completely wasted and overflowing with tears and pain, I prayed and interceded for myself.

I realized that as Christians we will have moments of weakness. We will have moments where WE WILL fall into a deep hole. We will have moments where we won’t see the answer right away.

I recognized that simply because we pray, we love God, attend SERMONS and are committed to our church, none of those things qualify us as UNTOUCHABLE Christians.

Our weak moments will creep up. We will not always be victorious. That’s why we can’t be to sure that we got this Christian lifestyle figured out. Over confidence in your faith walk is dangerous.

I realized that there will be moments where I will give in to my weaknesses which drives me to be more vigilant.

It’s important to keep praying, keep pressing forward, keep speaking truth to others and continue to live an un-manicured Christian lifestyle.

I’m not perfect, but that won’t stop me from pursuing a relationship with God.

I am forever His and unashamed.

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8 replies »

  1. Love your transparency. It’s very rare to see amongst Christians, as we love to portray that we have it all together because of the fear of being perceived as weak if we tell the truth. I pray you will be restored.

    Like

  2. I love reading all your writings 🙂 i enjoy them lots, keep writing. Still waiting on the bubble post. In between, i totally agree with the maniquing life humans live. We are all different and unique therefore we should stop trying to fit in. The most important thing is to Love and accept ourselves. God love us just the way we are. His love is eternal and unconditional. No need to live the maniquin life where everyone lives it portraying a perfect image. Hug 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

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