Married Yet Alone

There was a time when I used to think that being married eliminated feelings of loneliness.

There was a time when I used to think that marriage would solve my need for companionship.

Oh, was I wrong.

Being married and being in a Christian marriage has made me confront the fact that my husband will not always provide me with the emotional support that I seek.

The biggest revelation that I have received this year is understanding that my husband is not fully responsible for not being able to fulfill my needs, when he himself has deep emotional wounds to heal, and he doesn’t even realize it.

We all have baggage. We all have past issues that we have not yet confronted and healed.

And until my husband faces those issues, truth is, that he will not be able to fulfill my emotional needs. That’s where mercy comes in. I must be Christlike and be merciful and pray for him. This is easier said than done of course. Praying for him can become redundant and exhausting. My reality is that although I pray and have hope that God will transform him into the man that He has called him to be for me.

There is a PROCESS and the PROCESS isn’t pleasant, but it’s necessary for both of us.

Through my marriage God has shown me that at one point or another we all seek to be saved.

We seek for family to save us from the issues that we face. We seek for a man’s love and admiration to save us from feeling insecure and worthless. We seek for husbands to comfort us and fulfill our every need. We seek for friends to give us a sense of belonging. We seek for cigarettes to save us from our anxieties. We hustle and go after money to save us from feeling unsuccessful because we rate success by how many things we accumulate.

You get the point. We all seek to be saved from a situations, unpleasant feelings, and circumstances.

In my case, I feel lonely, but I seek for comfort in God’s word because God says that He will never leave me nor forsake me. I receive confirmation through God’s word that he created me for a purpose. He created me with a plan and a mission for me execute in this life. Knowing these truths encourages me and removes all feelings of loneliness because if God is with me I’m not entirely alone.

We are all human. We will fail each other. We will disappoint each other.

BUT God is always good. God is omnipresent. He is enough to fulfill the deepest voids that we will ever face.

We all need a savior whether we are married, single, young, old, strong, weak, etc.

So if we all need a savior, then we can’t save each other.

We need God. We need Jesus to save us from ourselves.

So, if this is you, whether you’re married, in a committed relationship or single and feel immense feelings of loneliness… This is normal. You’re normal. And if your Christian and you are surrounded by religious people who tell you that if you truly have Jesus in your life then you shouldn’t feel lonely, know that, those words are lies. I’m open about my feelings because I’m tired of Christians portraying Christianity as a bullet proof vest.

We will all face moments of loneliness especially in our walk with Christ.

What I’m telling you is that the biggest mistake that we can make is to seek for comfort and to fulfill feelings loneliness by turning to others, by turning to work, food, etc as our primary source of temporary fulfillment.

Turn to God. If you don’t know where to start, start by downloading a Bible App called YouVersion.com. This is a practical way of reading God’s word and it’s how I started learning about God and the role He plays in my life.

In this app you can read on many different topics such as depression, loneliness, prayer, purpose, and many other topics that can help you understand what God’s word says about the moments that you face.

Know that you’re not alone.

And even if you feel alone, it is possible to feel fulfilled. It is possible to experience joy even when you are married and the person that you’re married to cannot fulfill your emotional needs. It’s okay. Walk through this process hopeful and knowing that God is in control. Fight in prayer and intercede for your circumstances because this too shall pass.

Thank you for reading. God bless you!

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