The Love Dare: Days 9, 10 & 11: Fail

It’s funny how every time that I plan to do something nice for my spouse, intentionally plan on being extra sweet, giving more kisses or greeting him with enthusiasm, it all just goes down the drain.

The Love Dare has a been a huge blessing because it has really forced me to be intentional and has given me suggestions of what being intentional looks like on a daily basis. I like that I can follow this plan, but the more I follow it the more I feel like there is so much that I have to work on, and it’s only the beginning.

Day 9, 10 and 11 have been a complete fail for me because although I try to be intentionally kind, the minute that I feel let down or I feel frustrated by my husband’s actions, the whole kindness intention goes out the window.

I mean, am I the only person that goes through this?

I’ve realized that the minute I feel mad at my husband for the dumbest thing it throws me off and I can no longer go back to being intentionally kind. I hold grudges, I’m extremely resentful and truthfully, if I disregard the frustration caused by my spouse, and get back on this whole love dare plan, I feel completely bipolar.

How do you get over things quickly without feeling completely bipolar?

I found the answer. The key is being merciful. Having mercy is not being bi-polar, although it may feel like it during a heated moment. I recognize that just like him, I also make many mistakes and half the time I never apologize for them.

And then I experienced an Aha moment on Day 11

When you mistreat your spouse you’re actually mistreating yourself. When you curse your spouse you’re actually cursing yourself. Genesis 2:23 confirms that this is true.

“Bone of my Bones”

When we decide to come together and marry our husbands, we become one with them.

To love him is to love myself. To extend kindess to him it’s like doing so to myself.

We really have to think of ourselves as one with our husbands. This can totally change the way we react to them, the way we respond, what we do and how we go about dealing with marital problems. Team of one.

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Read The Love Dare: Days 6, 7, & 8.

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The Love Dare: Day 1

Today was my first day ofย The Love Dare and it went horrible! I blew it!

I discovered that I have a lot of work to do.
As you can see below, I took the Love Dare Test and the score was so low: 401 out of 1,000. I feel like the worse wife of life. It’s incredible that you may think you’re great and then you find out that your flaws are beyond what you imagined.

ย (By the way I HIGHLY encourage YOU to take the love dare test. You will be surprised!) As a matter of fact, it’s best if both you and your spouse can take it at the same time.

So, DAY 1 of The Love Dare, the Dare was to be patient and the first thing that I did was be impatient. I feel like such an idiot! But, it was only my first day so I pray and hope that as the days go by I only get better and better.

I’m going to be 100% honest.

Here it goes…

After I took the test I saw the results and it clearly reflected that I am selfish and have zero acceptance towards my husband. I was completely disappointed in myself upon seeing this.

Prior to this test I considered myself extremely considerate of my husband’s feelings, but I had it all wrong. Today was a day of revelation for me. I’m not the amazing wife that I thought I was, but being able to see this and accept that I do have to make some changes, gives me hope.

I’m hopeful that the more I can see my real flaws, the more I can work towards eliminating the behaviors and the erroneous, unconscious beliefs that I have.

Tomorrow will be DAY 2 and I’m really looking forward to my dare.

Short Prayer for revelation:

“Dear Lord,

I come to you and I ask for forgiveness for all of the things that I do and say to my husband that are harsh. Forgive me for not accepting my husband the way you are calling me to accept him. Right now I ask that you help me see my husband with eyes of mercy and acceptance. I declare that each day that I dare to love the way you have called me to love my husband, you will glorify yourself in our marriage, making our bond loving and unbreakable. Thank you for what you will do now and the rest of this week, in Jesus name,

Amen”

I will keep you posted on how the dare goes daily ๐Ÿ™‚

I hope that you can join me on this journey as I continue to dare and love like God calls me too. You’re not alone sister! We can do this. #newbreedofwomen

Thank you for reading! God bless you.

Maritza

 

I Choose Blindness

It’s crazy how society criticizes someone like me.

Allow me to explain…

If a group of married women are talking about sex fantasies with different men and they were also talking about divorce. I noticed that to speak such things is viewed as normal and acceptable.

But…

If someone like me, married and committed to her husband, talks about choosing to be blind to…

  • Divorce
  • Other men aside from my husband
  • Porn
  • Sex toys
  • Strip clubs
  • Affairs

We are viewed as weird and abnormal. What’s worse is that I’m criticized for wanting to have a clean mind. I’m criticized for wanting to maintain a pure and wonderful marriage without the pollution of having other men in my mind.

Is there something wrong with wanting to create a marriage that does not rely on porn to “spice up the relationship” when it’s a lie, it really doesn’t make anything better in the long run.

Matthew 6:22-24

22 The eye is the lamp of the body. You draw light into your body through your eyes, and light shines out to the world through your eyes. So if your eye is well and shows you what is true, then your whole body will be filled with light. 23 But if your eye is clouded or evil, then your body will be filled with evil and dark clouds.

  • Is there something wrong with wanting to shut out third parties from my bond with my husband??
  • Is there something wrong with not supporting going to strip clubs to watch these poor women strip down and watch as they seduce my husband??
  • Is there really something wrong with not wanting to introduce sex toys into my marital sex life?
  • Is there really something wrong with wanting to keep our sex life free from painful sex acts?

Why are women like me criticized for choosing to be blind to all of this depravity?

The world is upside down I tell you. I won’t lie. There was a time when I thought that porn, sex toys and sexual fantasies with other men were normal, but the more I have come to understand the true beauty in marriage, in parenting and in growing a family and in our overall life, the more I come to find that it’s very far away from true love.

If you are like me. I’m here to tell you that there is nothing wrong with choosing to protect your mind from being polluted with sexual thoughts that don’t involve your spouse.

There is nothing wrong with being careful with the images you choose to refrain from watching.

To get close to knowing what true love looks like is…

  • Subtracting anything that can come between you and your spouse.
  • Subtracting porn-saturated things because with time porn leads men, especially, to view women as objects that serve the purpose of satisfying selfish needs.
  • Subtracting the idea of divorce forces both people in a marriage to work on themselves thus improving the marriage
  • Subtracting the idea of having sex with other men eliminates the possibility of an affair taking place because affairs occur from a seed of a thought.

“Everything starts with a thought”

There is beauty and value in a woman who chooses to pursue a clean mind and pure heart. So, don’t feel alone sister. You are not alone. I’m with you and I too choose to be blind to all the lies and the garbage that our society tries to feed us. I fight everyday to keep my mind clean and my eyes focused on Christ. #ichooseblindness

Thank you for reading. God bless you.

Maritza


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Loving the Unlovable: Truth Part 3

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Marriage is a journey.
  • How in the world do you love someone who is so stubborn it irritates you?
  • How do we love someone who belittles us and our work?
  • How do we love someone who doesn’t see how much they hurt us?
  • How do we love someone who is selfish?
  • How do we love someone who is not interested in our needs?
  • How do we love someone who isn’t interested in getting to know who we are?

These are just some of the questions that I ask myself on a daily basis. Most importantly I’ve been praying and asking God these questions. In the midst of my current fast, I remembered that a year ago I had bought a book called The Love Dare.

I knew that I knew! That this was a God-given thought/reminder that at this stage in my life I desperately need to dare to love my husband.

“Dare to love the unlovable”

I was overcome by hope for a moment, but at the same time I knew that I will have to put in some work and do many things that I might not want to do. I know that in this season in my marriage, God wants to change my heart.

  • God wants to teach me how to have mercy when I do not want to.
  • God wants to teach me that love is a daily decision rather than an emotion.
  • God wants to teach me how to forgive my husband, but most importantly how to make it a lifestyle because my husband will always hurt me whether it’s intentional or unintentional. It’s inevitable so why not forgive regularly, but I must learn how to do so.
  • God wants to teach me that in order to have that strong, solid marriage processes are required for both of us to grow and mature, both spiritually and emotionally.

I believe that it’s time to fight for our marriages. It’s time that we change the huge statistics of broken homes. We need to understand that the process is necessary. Each life process is necessary.

  • Through our process God wants to make us strong.
  • Through our process God wants to show up in our weaknesses.
  • Through our processes God wants to build our character.
  • Through our processes God wants to increase our courage.
  • Through our processes God wants to show us how to love and how to trust in Him.

If you’re going through what I’m going through reach out to me. You’re not alone. Let’s do this love dare together. Woman! Your marriage is destined to show God’s love, mercy and power to the world.

“We must trust God’s plan for our lives”

Your marriage is worth it and it’s time to love the unlovable.

Thank you for reading and God bless!

Maritza


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P.S I will be sharing how it’s going as I complete the The Love Dare chapter by chapter. If you’ve decided to do it too, email me I would love to know how it’s going for you. This is a journey and should not have to do it alone.

Leggings: why not?

Someone approached me the other day and asked me why I always wear my high-waisted leggings.

Uh…. Hello! Why not wear leggings?! I just gave birth, my pre-pregnancy clothes don’t fit and my pregnancy clothes obviously don’t fit me. And to top it off, I’m always home taking care of my two kids lol

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So, why not leggings?!

I was so upset at the question because this woman knows that I just had a kid, I’m barely getting any sleep, I’m breastfeeding on demand… I mean what else am I supposed to wear lol

Am I supposed to wear heels and a dress everyday?! Uh I don’t think so!

Why are some women so fixated on looking good and decked out all the time?

Is it really necessary especially when we are cooking, cleaning and running errands.

I must confess I would love to wear a nice pair of jeans, but I feel so physically busted because my stomach isn’t back to how it was pre-pregnancy that it’s impossible for my jeans to fit me well right now. Also, I haven’t lost all the weight that I have wanted to lose so the cute pair of shorts that I once wore can’t even go past my hips! :/

For now, so what if my leggings are my go to bottoms?!

I don’t like waist trainers, as this person suggested me to wear under my clothes, they’re too darn uncomfortable. Why not let me be?

There is nothing wrong with leggings sisters.
Don’t let anyone make you feel less just because you don’t match their standards.

For a moment she did make me feel worse about appearance. I began to second guess myself. I thought to myself, “maybe I should wear a dress and maybe shoes with small heel” “maybe I should wear a waist trainer so that my stomach won’t sag.”

So many thoughts crossed my mind. I allowed her comments to make me feel bad about my appearance, but I shook it off immediately.

The reality is that we do have to take care of our appearance and try to look nice, especially for our husbands, but not to the extreme of wearing heels and full on makeup everyday. Again there is nothing wrong with wearing leggings!

Those are my two cents for the day!

Thank you for reading. God bless!

Christian Marriage: Truth Part 1

We are in the car, my husband is driving and the kids are fast asleep. I’m looking out the window thinking about all the things that I want to achieve this year. My thoughts were interrupted by the redundant music that my husband kept playing.

At that moment I noticed three things.

  • Song after song, they all had something in common. They were “reaggaeton songs. Although I like certain songs in this genre, “sex” tends to be the central theme. And it’s not like these men are rapping about making love to their lovely wives lol These songs portray women as mere sex objects. The lyrics are degrading towards women.
  • As the songs continued on and my husband kept driving, I also noticed he has become comfortable with cursing again.
  • The cursing came out so naturally as he yelled at the car that cut him off, but in that moment I noticed the third flaw that kind of scared me. There was rage in his voice. Not anger, but rage. There is a huge difference between the two.

Now, this might seem silly to many of you reading this. It might even be normal to many of you, but to us, this is definitely not our norm. It’s quite disappointing. It’s almost like taking a step backwards.

There was a point in time when cursing and not caring about what I listened to, was normal. But that’s not the case anymore. Getting to know God and God’s heart throughout my spiritual journey has changed me inside out. I now see that what we listen to affects the way we think and it influences our behavior. How we speak reflects the condition of our spirit and our heart. That being said, being a woman of faith has really changed me and it’s placed me on this spiritual journey where all I want to pursue is to be the woman that God has called me to be. So to hear my husband curse was a bit of an unpleasant surprise. To hear him listen to sex music back to back, saddened me for many reasons.

All of this is troubling because if you look on the surface his choice of music, his language and his behavior is an indication of what’s going on in his heart. For me to see different and negative changes is worrisome.

A year ago God showed me that what we choose as form of entertainment traps us. The word entertainment is composed of two words. Enter and detain. So when you are being entertained, whatever it is that is entertaining you, enters you and detains. Detainment can cause you to remain in a negative state of mind which will influence your behavior. So, we need to be careful with what we choose as form of entertainment. For it will detain us and begin pricking at our mind.ย 

As a christian wife who is constantly seeking for ways to be renewed by God, it’s so easy to lose hope in believing that God can renew my husband’s mind and change even the smallest of character flaws. The renewal of his heart seems impossible to me. The other reason why this is an impossible to me because this just adds to the list of things that heย  already has to work on. That being said, Christian marriages are not perfect, but we have assurance that God is working in us and through us.

I share this in hopes that if you’re a Christian wife and you’re husband is negatively changing or diverting back to his old ways…

It’s time to pray. It’s time to believe the impossible.

It’s time to intercede. It’s time to ask God to bring to the light any problems that may be hidden. It’s not time to lose hope in our husbands, but rather place our hope in the Lord. It’s easier said then done, but we have to fight for our marriages.

It’s time to believe in God and the condition of man.

“God wants us to love the unlovable”

God isn’t done with your journey! You’re standing in the middle of your greatest testimony which means that their is an end to this process. Your pain is not in vain. Keep praying and keep seeking. God is with you!

Thank you for reading. God bless.

Maritza


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Little Women in Need

As I continue to write my book I can’t help, but think about all the teenagers and young women that will read it. So many young girls walking around with identity and insecurity issues and no solution. So, they turn to what they see on social media as quick confidence fixes.

I see many young girls in need of love. In need of attention. In need of real friendships. In need of affirmation and encouragement.

  • Yet you turn to fake friendships just to feel a sense of belonging.
  • You turn to guys and pointless dates to feel significant.
  • You invest in unhealthy relationships just to feel loved.
  • You walk around half-naked to feel admired.
  • You place much emphasis on your outer appearance because the admiration of many eyes gives you a sense of worth and adds value to who you are.

Little woman, you are much more than the clothes you wear and the makeup that you slap on your face.

Your worth isn’t found in outward things.

Your source of value and identity should not be product centered.

Your source of confidence should not be dependent on the opinions of others.

Raw confidence is found in turning to that little girl deep inside you and facing those deepest, darkest wounds.

It’s healing from the negative comments that you heard about you when you were young.

Perhaps your parents called you names out of love yet they may have been hurtful to you.

Maybe they gave you a nickname that negatively targeted a body part. Boys probably made fun of you for what they considered a physical flaw. Perhaps your disability caused many people to constantly stare at you and make fun of you.

Whatever the case may be. Look into the mirror and speak to that little girl deep inside whose hurting and longing for approval. Know that you can pray and ask God in that moment to heal you. To free you from that jail of discontent with yourself that has kept you sad and bitter for such a long time.

  • It’s time to grieve that old you and welcome a new you. I know that there is an image that you hold onto of who you want to become. Hold onto that image and pursue it.

Healing from past wounds is key to loving yourself and to gain self-esteem, but to heal you must confront.

  • To continue on that healing journey it is important that you seek for God to find your true identity. Read God’s word, for in it you will discover that you were created with a purpose and slowly discovering that purpose will launch you to experiencing raw confidence.
  • When you know that all your struggles can serve someone else as encouragement. When you know that every one of your setbacks can be a perfect platform for you greatest comebacks. When you can understand that life does not happen to you, it happens for you. When you can understand that your greatest disadvantages can be the tools that God needs to use to prosper you. When you know that you were created with a plan in mine. Then you have the proper foundations to building a life that you will be proud of.
  • Having a solid identity will lead you to loving yourself and most importantly it will take you to experience a level of confidence that will be grounded on what you think of yourself than what others think of you. The opinion of others won’t matter as much. You will be free.
  • Healing, discovering your purpose and knowing your identity in Christ will lead you to loving yourself.

Raw confidence is not product centered. It’s purpose centered.

Thank you for reading and God bless!

-Maritza


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Stay tuned for the release of my book where I will share some of the most craziest, darkest experiences that I went through in my teenage years and young adulthood, all because I had not healed from my past and was only in touch with the confidence that I borrowed from watching other girls around me.