Little Women in Need

As I continue to write my book I can’t help, but think about all the teenagers and young women that will read it. So many young girls walking around with identity and insecurity issues and no solution. So, they turn to what they see on social media as quick confidence fixes.

I see many young girls in need of love. In need of attention. In need of real friendships. In need of affirmation and encouragement.

  • Yet you turn to fake friendships just to feel a sense of belonging.
  • You turn to guys and pointless dates to feel significant.
  • You invest in unhealthy relationships just to feel loved.
  • You walk around half-naked to feel admired.
  • You place much emphasis on your outer appearance because the admiration of many eyes gives you a sense of worth and adds value to who you are.

Little woman, you are much more than the clothes you wear and the makeup that you slap on your face.

Your worth isn’t found in outward things.

Your source of value and identity should not be product centered.

Your source of confidence should not be dependent on the opinions of others.

Raw confidence is found in turning to that little girl deep inside you and facing those deepest, darkest wounds.

It’s healing from the negative comments that you heard about you when you were young.

Perhaps your parents called you names out of love yet they may have been hurtful to you.

Maybe they gave you a nickname that negatively targeted a body part. Boys probably made fun of you for what they considered a physical flaw. Perhaps your disability caused many people to constantly stare at you and make fun of you.

Whatever the case may be. Look into the mirror and speak to that little girl deep inside whose hurting and longing for approval. Know that you can pray and ask God in that moment to heal you. To free you from that jail of discontent with yourself that has kept you sad and bitter for such a long time.

  • It’s time to grieve that old you and welcome a new you. I know that there is an image that you hold onto of who you want to become. Hold onto that image and pursue it.

Healing from past wounds is key to loving yourself and to gain self-esteem, but to heal you must confront.

  • To continue on that healing journey it is important that you seek for God to find your true identity. Read God’s word, for in it you will discover that you were created with a purpose and slowly discovering that purpose will launch you to experiencing raw confidence.
  • When you know that all your struggles can serve someone else as encouragement. When you know that every one of your setbacks can be a perfect platform for you greatest comebacks. When you can understand that life does not happen to you, it happens for you. When you can understand that your greatest disadvantages can be the tools that God needs to use to prosper you. When you know that you were created with a plan in mine. Then you have the proper foundations to building a life that you will be proud of.
  • Having a solid identity will lead you to loving yourself and most importantly it will take you to experience a level of confidence that will be grounded on what you think of yourself than what others think of you. The opinion of others won’t matter as much. You will be free.
  • Healing, discovering your purpose and knowing your identity in Christ will lead you to loving yourself.

Raw confidence is not product centered. It’s purpose centered.

Thank you for reading and God bless!

-Maritza


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Stay tuned for the release of my book where I will share some of the most craziest, darkest experiences that I went through in my teenage years and young adulthood, all because I had not healed from my past and was only in touch with the confidence that I borrowed from watching other girls around me.

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The Perfection Standard

I used to believe in perfection.

The problem is that we believe so much in perfection that we become perfectionists and we fail to notice that its doesn’t exist. There is no such thing as perfection. Unconsciously, setting this fake standard has left me in a state of paralysis at different seasons in my life.

The fear of not meeting this fraudulent standard has paralyzed me from pursuing goals thus delaying the realization of many dreams.

There are many books that I haven’t finished out of fear of them not being perfectly written. There are many book ideas and projects that I’ve never developed out of fear that its structure wouldn’t be perfect. Heck, there are still many times that I stop myself from writing many blog posts out of fear of the feedback that I will receive.

There is a gap.

Meeting our own perfection standard is what’s in between fear and action.

This perfection standard has been an infection that’s spread to many areas of my life. I speak of this because I wonder how many of you have felt this way in the past or may feel this way now.

We have just entered a new year. A new beginning is before us. It is a chance for us to breakdown this standard of perfection, and walk over it, in pursuit of the things that we want to attain this year.

It’s time that you forget about being perfect or perfectly executing goals, because this isn’t a real belief or expectation. There needs to be a mind shift.

This new year you must accept that many failures are coming. In fact, you may face more failures than victories. But, I have good news. Our greatest lessons are found in our failures.

The beauty of failure and falling down, is that the choice to get back up and continue the walk, is entirely up to you. Every time I failed to eat a healthy meal I had two options, either beat myself up for it, or make sure that my next meal was a healthy one.

In many of my falls, I discovered that it didn’t matter how many times I fell off as long as I got up and got back on track.

As you set your goals and you plan out how you will achieve them, keep in mind that there is no such thing as a perfect plan or perfect execution. Realistically, take into account that your plans will not always go as you foresee them. There will be twists and turns. There will be failed tests and exams. Many times you will turn down healthy meals. Many times you will wake up late when you indeed planned to get up early. Many times you will pass by Starbucks even though you promised yourself you would stay away from coffee for a month. There will be times where you will tell yourself that the picture you posted would’ve been better or the video that you uploaded onto YouTube could’ve had better content. You could’ve looked better for that important interview or there was so much more valuable information that you could’ve shared at your interview.

 

Whatever it is, you get the point.

You will never be perfect. You will never have perfect plans. There will never be perfect execution. There will always be something that you would’ve done better or plans that could’ve unraveled better.

But, note!

Everything happens for a reason. The fact that you aren’t perfect will lead you to make the best mistakes of your life. It’s in our mistakes that we improve. Key word, improve!

To improve means that there is a better you, that you have yet to see.

The journey to building yourself is one of discovery and fulfillment. To accept that you need to improve means that you still have many more experiences to live out, and many fears to conquer. All which will drive you to become that person you dream of becoming.

The beauty is in the journey towards improvement.

To understand that there will always be room for improvement should be liberating.

Break free from the standard of perfection. Always give your best. Always be kind. Always be joyful. Always take the time to see the good in others. Don’t be so hard on yourself. Know that you aren’t perfect, but each day make the decisions that will get you a step closer to that person that you want to become.

Keep pressing forward. Forget about being perfect. It’s time to be bold. Be free!

Thank you for reading and God bless.


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Love yourself they say, but how?

I remember a time when everyone would tell me that I needed to love myself, but I never understood what loving myself required.

On my journey to loving myself I discovered that I had to love more than just my physical appearance. I knew that it went beyond liking who I was on the inside because on my journey to loving myself I had to come face to face with a truth that shook me… I couldn’t truly love myself because I didn’t really like who I was on the inside.

I had to confront the good, the bad and the ugly. I had to accept my flaws. I had to look at all the inner parts of my soul and my being. This journey led me to seek for God and his help because I did not want to possess the confidence that we see in our world. The kind of confidence that is purchased at a clothing store or at a plastic surgery center.

In the beginning of my journey I was desperately hungry for real and raw confidence. The type of confidence that forced me to dissect the darkest parts of my soul. Knowing this, I made a conscientious decision to become aware of my actions, of the words that came out of my mouth and my reactions. I found myself frequently asking praying and asking God to renew my mind and my heart.

I found myself forced to revisit my past in order to understand when certain insecurities were born in my soul. I had to uncover when feelings of shame were born so that I could uproot them from my soul, and replant words of life and truth into the core of my being.

I understood that our insecurities and self-esteem issues grow roots deep within in us and they grow as trees do. They give fruit to the need for attention and acceptance in our later years simply because we can’t accept and love ourselves. So we become hungry and this hunger leads us to search to be fed love and acceptance from outer sources.

Loving yourself goes beyond looking in the mirror and repeating words of affirmation. Words of affirmation help, but only provide a temporary boost rather than a permanent solution.

Loving oneself requires being transformed by God.

Our transformation process happens as we read the word of God and begin to plant new seeds of truth and life into our soul. A daily prayer life provides you with a permanent boost of confidence because you are reminded of who you were always meant to be.

You are unique. There is only one of you. Any lies that were ever spoken to you as a child or when you were growing up were only meant to remove any room for GOD-FIDENCE, but God’s word says that you were fearfully, and beautifully made.

Psalm 139:14

I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.

God created us in his image and his image is divinely perfect.

He created you to display His splendor. He created you to display a specific, beautiful aspect of Himself and the instant we adopt God as our daddy, everything changes. Only then can our true identity become visible to us. A spiritual blindfold must be removed.

Know that you are the daughter or the son of the most high.

Everything that has happened to you or that has negatively affected your self-esteem, or that may have damaged the image that you have of yourself, can be fully transformed by the most high, Abba Father.

The beginning to loving yourself if facing your past, accepting your present flaws and discovering your God-given destiny.

Your true journey to attaining raw god-fidence begins now!

Thank you for reading. Be blessed.

How do men view the women of today?

Lately I have approached young men to make conversation and ask them about their love lives. I have been curious to find out how they view commitment and their perception of women in our world today.

Sadly, I have noticed a similar pattern.

The guys that I have randomly approached have different backgrounds and different lifestyles, but they all had similar things to say with regards to women. Like….

  • You can’t tell the difference between a good girl and a h**
  • Nowadays most women and young girls dress up to show off their goods yet demand respect when men look, so why do they dress half-naked & call our attention
  • Women live pure contradictions like not wanting men to only use them for sex yet their image sends all the wrong signals
  • They way women dress and the way they act is like they’re practically asking to smashed & laid
  • There is no such thing as women who wants real love. What they really want is a dude with money and a nice ride
  • Girls want to milk you for all you got and then move on to the next one
  • Women only want men who look good to make them look good
  • All that women want to do is party and chill with their friends, go clubbing
  • Women like to live the fast life

 

After speaking to many different guys and hearing similar statements, I was really saddened by the feedback that I received about how WE are being viewed.

WE women are at fault for how men see us.

I had to admit to myself that I too, at one point, have referred to men as being a bank. It’s true that we may be a bit too materialistic especially now, when appearance, fashion and beauty are at the top of our priorities.

I admit that some of us may dress, practically in the nude, to turn heads not caring whether or not we are calling the attention of married men or teenagers struggling with porn addiction.

I admit that some of us do speak with foul language and we do or have engaged in pornographic sex talk even in front of our little ones.

I remember that, through my early twenties, I was really promiscuous, I dressed super revealing  just because I wanted attention and admiration. I was naive in thinking that love at first sight would manifest itself in my life, based on my looks. All that time I appeared confident on the surface, but on the inside I was an insecure mess. I based my beauty on what I would wear, how I did my makeup and how I styled my hair. I remember that during that period of time in my life, I spoke of sex in front of guys as if it were a sport. To the outside world my words were indicators that I was this careless party that did not care much for commitment. Yet, all I yearned for on the inside was to be loved and to find that one special person.

I was sending all the wrong signals and I realized that this is exactly what is happening with our women today.

This may be the case for many of the young women and young girls that these males are encountering.

It’s time that we flip the script and choose to change and be transformed on the inside.

We need to heal from our past pain. We need to heal from the negative words that have been spoken over our lives, that have left us with deep insecurities.

We need to turn to our number one healer, Jesus Christ.

In him we can find our true identity and the core essence of who we are called to be.

We are called to be respectful, honorable and gentle women. We have been called to respect our bodies and be wise with the words that we speak. We must respect ourselves for men to respect us.

We set the standards for how we want to be treated, but we cannot continue demanding respect when we come out of the house dressed like we work at a strip club.

Our little girls are watching us. Our little boys are watching in us mothers how women should be and we set the standard for what they need to look for.

Let’s build a new generation of women that are worthy of honor and praise. A generation of women that feel beautiful not because of what they see in the mirror, but rather because of the transformation that is taking place in their heart, through the word of God.

Change starts with you, how you decide to speak, dress and welcome others.

Thank you for reading.

God bless you!

 

 

A New Breed of Women

I’m always out and about, and I witness many things that I wish were different.

I see many women being influenced by the sex culture that has taken full form nowadays. Nudity has taken on a new form of fashion and young teenage girls are imitating it.

It’s sucks to hear young girls say that there is no such thing as romance. On the flip side, it’s tough to hear young boys say that they can no longer differentiate a promiscuous girl from an innocent girl because they all look and act the same.

I have overheard teenage girls say that it seems IMPOSSIBLE, at this day in age, for guys to want a relationship where getting to know each other is the main focus. Some teens feel that having a boyfriend requires having sex and many feel forced to have sexual relations because it’s expected.

We need, A New Breed of Women. Women that will stand for honor and self-preservation. Women who stand for modesty. Women who value themselves. Women whose mission is not to provoke the attention of men for the purpose of seduction.

The reason they are are so many women fashioning nudity is because they’re desperately seeking for attention and approval, but such approval will never be enough. It will never satiate the deep hunger that permeates the soul.

Listen up ladies, men are already complete, sexually driven beings, BUT we are fulfilling that demand by dressing half naked and arousing men in order to be looked at. Understand that a man can never satisfy our deep hunger for love. Understand that your need for approval is not allowing you to experience true confidence, but rather what you’re experiencing is fake confidence, which comes from fixating on your outer appearance.

Your focusing on looking good on the outside because it gives you a sense of confidence and sure looking good on the outside is important, but not as important as polishing up what’s on the inside.

What good is it worth for you to look like a model, but yet be this nagging wife/girlfriend, who’s constantly screaming and completely bitter about life. Then your bitterness trickles down onto your relationships and children.

What makes me angry is that I once was that young girl who dressed provocatively and did not care whose eyes I was appealing to.
You do not realize or do not care whose attention they’re attracting and I get that, I’ve been there. You might be appealing to a young boy whose struggling with an addiction to porn or you may be attracting the attention of a married man who wants to be completely faithful to his wife even with his eyes.

We desperately need A New Breed of Women whose beauty is on the gentleness in which they speak to others. A beauty based no being merciful and understanding that our partners are imperfect and deserve our forgiveness. A beauty based on how generous we are with those who are in need. A beauty based on how kind we are to the needs of our family. A beauty based on truth and not lies or manipulation. A beauty based on the love that we extend onto everyone around us.

This kind of beauty lasts forever.

Let’s be different. Let’s be part of that new breed and teach our young girls that real beauty lies in what’s inside and in working on our inner flaws.

Let’s be that new breed of women that show men that enough is enough and we are not an All You Can Eat Buffet.

Let’s change the world one woman at a time.

Thank you for reading.

Unmanicured Life

I believe in the importance of being an open book because a life well lived is one where we are open about who we are at the moment.

Life isn’t the fairy tale that people create across their Instagram, myself included at one point.

It’s time that we show who we really are, our real lives, our struggles and as well as the highlights.

More and more I feel convicted to share details about my struggles because my story can help women feel reassured that they’re not alone. The more open I become about my troubles, the more I may influence others to remain hopeful in the most hopeless situations.

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We are living in a world appearances are everything. Appearances are altered, filters are added and nudity is a form of fashion.

We are living in times of pure contradictions.

People say that they are trendsetters, yet they dress and try to look like Kylie.

People say that they are unique makeup artists, yet they all copy each others techniques.

People say that beauty is what’s on the inside, yet they focus on getting plastic surgeries to arouse attention without caring who they are attracting.

People say that they are unique yet everyone looks the same. Same ambitions, same goals, same hustle, same makeup, same clothing style, same hairdos, same surgeries and same poses on social media.

We are living in a world of mannequins. We work so hard on trying to display the perfect image while disregarding that what needs to be polished most is our hearts and our true intentions.

I’m not saying that I’m against plastic surgeries, makeup, styles and trends.

What I am pointing out is that we live in a world where we are all followers and individual distinction is needed.

What I am saying is that we need to focus on working on our inner self and remove the shame, guilt, past pains, resentment, lack of unforgiveness, hate and lack of love for others.

The removal of all these poisons will lead to true joy and fulfillment, then everything else will follow ESPECIALLY self-confidence.

In the end that is what we all seek for. We are constantly on the pursuit for happiness without understanding that we can be fulfilled by first working on polishing our inner self and all else will follow.

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While in Las Vegas…

My husband won a trip to Las Vegas for meeting each quota every quarter in 2016. What was amazing to discover is that he makes part of the one percent of successful sales associates in T-Mobile.

T-Mobile gave us the opportunity to experience amazing shows and entertainment while we were in Vegas. There were many gifts provided as well as a Visa card with funds for us to spend on whatever we wanted.

My husband my son and I had a blast!!! Best experience ever.

However, I know that Las Vegas is known as sin city and I got to see a small glimpse of people that reflected how damaging this environment can be especially for young people.

Till this day I had not seen so many young homeless both guys and girls.

One thing that I did witness and brought such sadness to my heart, was witnessing 5 young people exchanging a syringe and shooting up their bodies with what may have been heroine. I also saw a young man on the strip balled up in fetal position right on the sidewalk completely obliterated by the effects of whatever is it he consumed. I also saw yet another young man hallucinating and talking to himself on one of the walkways, asking for money to eat.

This was saddening and heartbreaking. I asked myself, what drives these young people to become these lost and broken young adults.

Many reasons crossed my mind, but the one thing that I kept asking myself was, where are their parents?

I recognized that our role as parents is more important than we care to accept.

It’s up to us to raise children that will not be broken adults.

It’s time to raise children whose emotional needs are met throughout childhood.

It’s up to us to raise emotionally intelligent children who will grow up to be adults that know how to manage their emotions.

It’s up to us to raise little girls whom are confident and do not need to seek for love in other men later in life.

It’s up to us to raise little boys who respect and honor their parents through respectful discipline.

It’s up to us to raise the next generation of people who will be living adult lives thriving and achieving dreams, rather than adults who are recovering from childhood pains, neglect, insecurities, abuse and indifference.

The time has come to grow as individuals and be better parents.

How to Overcome Childhood Pains

Everything begins in our childhood.

As a child my norm was seeing adults get drunk, have house parties, people physically fight, physical abuse, verbal abuse and endured sexual abuse.

All of this chaos intertwined instilled many insecurities, self-doubt, self-consciousness, trust issues, an insatiable need for love and attention, and the need for comfort.

If you experienced a troubled childhood, I want to tell you that healing is possible.

Face your past. Face your sadness. Face your trauma. Face your struggles. Face your yourself. If your children have witnessed violent behavior or have experienced abuse, it’s time to talk about it and not sweep the problem under a rug.

Find help and talk about your feelings. Do not keep your thoughts buried deep inside you.

Talk about what you went through because once you bring it to the light it can no longer haunt you as it did before.

Pray and ask God to heal all your wounds.

Declare healing upon your mind, body, soul and spirit.

Speak life onto your present. Declare good things for yourself in Jesus name.

Transformation is inevitable when you seek for God’s divine healing.

Be transformed. Be healed.

-Maritza M.

Parenting… Why it’s important.

The way you are raised determines who you become. Parenting has a major influence in your character. Our parents’ actions teach us how to deal with situations. Their actions teach us about integrity, about love, on how to speak to others, and how to respond to obstacles, etc.

TO ME parenting is leaves a deep mark in our hearts and soul. Parenting can either lead is to become needy people and lead us to becoming adults that dangerously crave love among other things. Parenting when done well can help children become independent and confident as adults.

Parenting can either propel people to become the best version of themselves or can produce broken adults whom are seeking to constantly recover from their insecurities instilled in childhood.

When I was a child my father never paid attention to me unless he was drunk. My mother did spend time with me, however, most of the time she was preoccupied with house chores that I felt ignored. Therefore, I lacked attention and my need for love from my father grew into a huge whole in my heart. This whole became unbearable and when my teenage years came around I thought that a boyfriend or boyfriends could fill that whole, but I was wrong because IT WAS NEVER ENOUGH. My love tank was always running on empty because I realized that I was giving away more love than what I was receiving. That’s when I turned to drugs and self-medicated.

Back in 2013, when my son was born, I decided to do my research on parenting.

I found that the first thing that I had to do to raise a healthy child and honorable man, the first thing that I had to do was work on myself.

I had to face my wast once again and find out which insecurities were instilled in me by my parents and how to stray away from committing the same mistakes.

Today I look at my parents with eyes of love and mercy because they did not know any better. They did what they could with what they were taught. I also have forgiven the man who abused me because that also instilled in me another load of insecurities, and for the glory of God I have overcome many and continue to overcome others daily.

Keep becoming a better version of yourself, for you and to give your children the opportunity to live a childhood that’s an upgraded version of the one that you lived.

The time is NOW, 2017!

-M

Instagram: @ivmana

Addictions

What’s funny about addictions is that you do not view them as addictions. In fact, we believe they are just habits or something harmless that we do to relax and or simply because it’s enjoyable.

However, addictions can be extremely harmful and can begin from drinking a few martinis every weekend, to smoking cigarettes on occasion, trying weed for the first time, to having sexual relations with multiple partner, to watching pornography once or twice, among many other things.

My go to comfort was drinking because I enjoyed dwelling in the sensation of carelessness and freedom. So much that it consumed my more than my weekends leading me to consume drugs because the alcohol just wasn’t enough.

I had this immense emptiness that I did not want to recognize. I chose not to recognize the void that I had in my heart. I did not want to admit that I wanted wholeheartedly to be loved. I wanted wholeheartedly to be admired and to feel a sense of belonging.

I fed my emotional hunger with substances and pointless relationships that led nowhere. The truth is that I did not know how to satiate this never ending thirst for more and for a true love.

What I failed to realize is that this thirst was born in childhood.

As a child I yearned to feel loved by my father yet he did not recognize my needs.

This yearning lingered as a grew and never left me. The yearning into emptiness that needed to be filled.

Many people live their lives with this great void that they’re not even aware of which leads them to seek for many avenues pursuing to fill that whole deep in their soul.

This is Part 2 of my story.