Everything begins in our childhood.
As a child my norm was seeing adults get drunk, have house parties, people physically fight, physical abuse, verbal abuse and endured sexual abuse.
All of this chaos intertwined instilled many insecurities, self-doubt, self-consciousness, trust issues, an insatiable need for love and attention, and the need for comfort.
If you experienced a troubled childhood, I want to tell you that healing is possible.
Face your past. Face your sadness. Face your trauma. Face your struggles. Face your yourself. If your children have witnessed violent behavior or have experienced abuse, it’s time to talk about it and not sweep the problem under a rug.
Find help and talk about your feelings. Do not keep your thoughts buried deep inside you.
Talk about what you went through because once you bring it to the light it can no longer haunt you as it did before.
Pray and ask God to heal all your wounds.
Declare healing upon your mind, body, soul and spirit.
Speak life onto your present. Declare good things for yourself in Jesus name.
Transformation is inevitable when you seek for God’s divine healing.
Be transformed. Be healed.
The way you are raised determines who you become. Parenting has a major influence in your character. Our parents’ actions teach us how to deal with situations. Their actions teach us about integrity, about love, on how to speak to others, and how to respond to obstacles, etc.
TO ME parenting is leaves a deep mark in our hearts and soul. Parenting can either lead is to become needy people and lead us to becoming adults that dangerously crave love among other things. Parenting when done well can help children become independent and confident as adults.
Parenting can either propel people to become the best version of themselves or can produce broken adults whom are seeking to constantly recover from their insecurities instilled in childhood.
When I was a child my father never paid attention to me unless he was drunk. My mother did spend time with me, however, most of the time she was preoccupied with house chores that I felt ignored. Therefore, I lacked attention and my need for love from my father grew into a huge whole in my heart. This whole became unbearable and when my teenage years came around I thought that a boyfriend or boyfriends could fill that whole, but I was wrong because IT WAS NEVER ENOUGH. My love tank was always running on empty because I realized that I was giving away more love than what I was receiving. That’s when I turned to drugs and self-medicated.
Back in 2013, when my son was born, I decided to do my research on parenting.
I found that the first thing that I had to do to raise a healthy child and honorable man, the first thing that I had to do was work on myself.
I had to face my wast once again and find out which insecurities were instilled in me by my parents and how to stray away from committing the same mistakes.
Today I look at my parents with eyes of love and mercy because they did not know any better. They did what they could with what they were taught. I also have forgiven the man who abused me because that also instilled in me another load of insecurities, and for the glory of God I have overcome many and continue to overcome others daily.
Keep becoming a better version of yourself, for you and to give your children the opportunity to live a childhood that’s an upgraded version of the one that you lived.
The time is NOW, 2017!
What’s funny about addictions is that you do not view them as addictions. In fact, we believe they are just habits or something harmless that we do to relax and or simply because it’s enjoyable.
However, addictions can be extremely harmful and can begin from drinking a few martinis every weekend, to smoking cigarettes on occasion, trying weed for the first time, to having sexual relations with multiple partner, to watching pornography once or twice, among many other things.
My go to comfort was drinking because I enjoyed dwelling in the sensation of carelessness and freedom. So much that it consumed my more than my weekends leading me to consume drugs because the alcohol just wasn’t enough.
I had this immense emptiness that I did not want to recognize. I chose not to recognize the void that I had in my heart. I did not want to admit that I wanted wholeheartedly to be loved. I wanted wholeheartedly to be admired and to feel a sense of belonging.
I fed my emotional hunger with substances and pointless relationships that led nowhere. The truth is that I did not know how to satiate this never ending thirst for more and for a true love.
What I failed to realize is that this thirst was born in childhood.
As a child I yearned to feel loved by my father yet he did not recognize my needs.
This yearning lingered as a grew and never left me. The yearning into emptiness that needed to be filled.
Many people live their lives with this great void that they’re not even aware of which leads them to seek for many avenues pursuing to fill that whole deep in their soul.
This is Part 2 of my story.
It’s easier to walk in doubt and easier to give up than it is to press forward and keep believing in God’s plan for you.
I’ve have faced countless moments in my life where all that consumes my mind are doubts. Doubts about what I’m destined to do in life or what truly is the mission that God has laid out for me. My thoughts are not clear sometimes. After months of facing doubt I have understood that doubt is necessary in order to help us question how we live life on a day to day. Doubt helps us question our motives behind our actions.
Are we sincere?
Are we doing things for the right reasons?
Are we living lives seeking for joy or are we living in pure JOY? (two very different things)
These questions have helped me identify that my mission in life is not to bring attention to myself, but rather to highlight the special being that has transformed me.
Our mission in life deals with empowering others in Christ and to empower others in their life’s purpose. Most importantly, WE ALL HAVE A STORY TO TELL.
Your story may help someone heal.
Your story can help someone overcome an experience or a negative emotion.
If you are facing a season of doubt especially in regards to your future and where you are heading… I urge you to embrace the moments of doubt because there you will discover many things about yourself and it’s a perfect time to invite God into your life, your plans and your most intimate desires.
God will bring clarity when you are ready to see what lies ahead of you.
It’s all about being ready for what God has for you.
Every day is the same battle for me. Doubt clouds my thoughts. I have doubts of all types and it’s as if DOUBT has taken on human form and is someone that I seem to be trying to fight off every day. I’m a stay at home mom to a 2 year old boy and the two roles of being a wife and a mom keep me plenty busy. In addition to that I also attending school online which can be time consuming and keep me busy as well.
But then there are those moments that I find myself thinking about how my life has turned out. These moments consume me and for some reason they always happen when I’m driving and when I take my son to the park. At times I feel that as a stay at home mom I’m investing time in the most important job in the world which is being a mother to a boy whom will later be an active member of society, but other times I feel so unproductive all because I don’t work outside my home at an actual job. I question my purpose in life, I compare my successes to others, and I feel like mine don’t amount to much because my job as a stay at home mom does not produce an actual income.
All of these encounters with Doubt leave me exhausted and unhappy, leading me to question my abilities and talents. I question whether or not what I have to say matters. I love writing and speaking to others about Jesus, His love and what God has done in my life. Deep inside I know that my purpose is linked to speaking to the youth & young adults about God, but I experience too many moments where I doubt this purpose. I doubt whether God uses me when I speak, I doubt God’s purpose for my career. Mostly, I feel a burning desire to be that successful business woman that I always see hidden within me, but the doubt seems to always win over the thoughts of faith and belief.
I feel like I’m torn in half between faith and self-doubt.
To be continued….
We are living in times where we are simply mirroring the actions, behaviors and even the appearance of the people we see. We are copies of each other. This mirroring affect that we are all engaging into is driven by envy, a desire to be accepted or the need for attention. These are all derivatives of needs that we are trying so hard to fulfill, but in the end it will never be enough.
Some of us feel so invisible that we may feel the need to make ourselves visible through social media by creating this overall image of ourselves that we would like people to see because we might consider such portraits attention worthy. As a result, this feeds our ego and mildly satiates our need to be applauded, admired or just simply noticed by others.
The purpose of mannequins is to project an image that will arouse in us the desire to possess that, that is being projected whether it be a style, lifestyle or in some cases it can mean the desire to possess wealth. We are all mannequins trying to project an enticing image to be viewed by all, to be accepted, envied and followed.
What we should be focusing on is embracing our differences, our talents and developing new skills to become the best version of ourselves. We need to become extraordinary people worthy of being admired because of the knowledge and wisdom that we have acquired through our experiences.
I urge you to walk your path, live the best life that you can live, invest time in what you are passionate about, learn from your experiences and embrace your flaws.
Someone needs to hear what you have been through. Someone out there needs to hear what you have to say. Someone will be encouraged by your wisdom. Today you can help someone else overcome an obstacle. Today you can impact someone’s life through all the love that you have to give. Today someone needs your talent to be elevated onto another level of success. Be people that mirror a unique image different from those around you because only then will you be a distinguished and admirable person that will be easily followed.
Be that fresh unique image of inspiration that someone needs today.
Look at her, she’s perfect…
This is what I hear often while I’m walking at the mall or as I pass by young girls at Starbucks. This type of phrase means everything nowadays. It actually holds much meaning in how most young girls are trying to meet the beauty standards of the world instead of embracing and discovering their own beauty.
We are living in a selfie generation where the center focus is image and what is in high pursuit is attention. If you take a look at every Instagram account of both women and men, almost all poses and pictures look the same and it’s because everyone tries to resemble or imitate what they see as acceptable and eye catching. Truth is that the more we concentrate on others, the more of their beauty we see and the more we disqualify ourselves. We begin to criticize ourselves and measure our beauty according to the beauty in others and this is where the problem lies.
It’s time to set yourself aside, put down your phone and evaluate yourself. Discovering the beauty in you should your pursuit to build on your self-esteem. The more you try to be like someone else the more frustrated you will become because you are spending all your energy in trying to fit a mold other than your own. Concentrate on you, discover what makes you feel beautiful and cultivate yourself with all the things that you aspire to be.
Never try to be the woman of a man’s dreams, be the woman of your dreams.
Dream big and embrace who you are. You are special.