A NEW BREED OF WOMEN: CHAPTER 3

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I always take a deep breathe when I talk about chapter 3 of my book. Particularly because it can easily be frowned upon by many. It opens a wide door for much criticism and knowing this I wrote it anyway for two reasons: to set the tone for transparency and to be obedient to what God has called me to do.

Before I began to write, “A New Breed of Women,” I thought about all the episodes in my life that marked me and the one’s I had to work through.

Chapter three was one of those chapters where I removed my mask to the world and admitted my desperate attempts at trying to fill my emptiness. I shared my stories because what I felt in those moments in my life are the same feelings and experiences that many young girls are living out today. And like me, they’re probably living similar situations, in silence. They’re the reason why I wrote chapter three, “Beautiful Disaster.”

I wrote this chapter for the young girls that feel in desperate need of love and comfort.

I share my experiences so that you may have the courage to face your skeletons, your hurt, your confusion, and your own shame. I’m here to tell you that there is an anecdote to your emotional neediness. And it will never be found in the drugs that you use, the alcohol you consume, or the men and women that you seek. Your freedom is found in Christ. It’s the word of God that you need to understand who you are. It’s in prayer and in developing a relationship with God, that you find fullness and wholeness.

When the word of God transitions from being words to feelings and encounters, the word becomes life. It’s made flesh. It’s like drinking quenching, cold water on a scorching summer day. The word of God is refreshing onto our soul.

His word became real in my life. His word became my drug of choice, prayer became that go to relationship that I was desperate for. Walking with God daily, helped me see who I was always meant to be. God showed me that my future in Him is bright.

If God did this with me, He can do it in your life. When the word goes from being theories to life, miracles happen. Changes are set in motion. Chains are broken. Past pains are healed.

But it’s all a process. It takes faith, stamina and persistence to walk with Jesus in a transformative process.

And although faith is free there is a price to pay, and that price has a name. The name is, “Courage.”

Choosing to have courage hurts because it requires you to push yourself to your limit. But when you do, God opens doors. God makes himself known to you.

So, know this, you’re not alone. In my book, “A New Breed of Women,” I put my life on blast so that you can understand that there’s nothing to be ashamed of and if you keep your pain and struggles in darkness, they end up haunting you.

Shame and pain want to keep you imprisoned, but Jesus came to set us all free from our destructive, emotional prisons.

Bring all your darkness to light and if you don’t have faith or courage yet, don’t worry borrow my faith. Now, you might be asking yourself, “How can I borrow your faith?”

You can borrow my faith by knowing my pain, my struggles and sorrows. By understanding God’s healing power through my eyes and my life experiences. If he did it with me, He can do it with you.

I tell you this, God is certainly not done with me. I have a long way to go, but as I continue to walk this faith journey, I’m becoming kinder, merciful, empathetic, etc. All because I choose to seek for the renewal of my mind in God’s living word.

And if He’s not done with me, “Guess what?” He is certainly not done with you.

Many blessings to you!

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I Choose Blindness

It’s crazy how society criticizes someone like me.

Allow me to explain…

If a group of married women are talking about sex fantasies with different men and they were also talking about divorce. I noticed that to speak such things is viewed as normal and acceptable.

But…

If someone like me, married and committed to her husband, talks about choosing to be blind to…

  • Divorce
  • Other men aside from my husband
  • Porn
  • Sex toys
  • Strip clubs
  • Affairs

We are viewed as weird and abnormal. What’s worse is that I’m criticized for wanting to have a clean mind. I’m criticized for wanting to maintain a pure and wonderful marriage without the pollution of having other men in my mind.

Is there something wrong with wanting to create a marriage that does not rely on porn to “spice up the relationship” when it’s a lie, it really doesn’t make anything better in the long run.

Matthew 6:22-24

22 The eye is the lamp of the body. You draw light into your body through your eyes, and light shines out to the world through your eyes. So if your eye is well and shows you what is true, then your whole body will be filled with light. 23 But if your eye is clouded or evil, then your body will be filled with evil and dark clouds.

  • Is there something wrong with wanting to shut out third parties from my bond with my husband??
  • Is there something wrong with not supporting going to strip clubs to watch these poor women strip down and watch as they seduce my husband??
  • Is there really something wrong with not wanting to introduce sex toys into my marital sex life?
  • Is there really something wrong with wanting to keep our sex life free from painful sex acts?

Why are women like me criticized for choosing to be blind to all of this depravity?

The world is upside down I tell you. I won’t lie. There was a time when I thought that porn, sex toys and sexual fantasies with other men were normal, but the more I have come to understand the true beauty in marriage, in parenting and in growing a family and in our overall life, the more I come to find that it’s very far away from true love.

If you are like me. I’m here to tell you that there is nothing wrong with choosing to protect your mind from being polluted with sexual thoughts that don’t involve your spouse.

There is nothing wrong with being careful with the images you choose to refrain from watching.

To get close to knowing what true love looks like is…

  • Subtracting anything that can come between you and your spouse.
  • Subtracting porn-saturated things because with time porn leads men, especially, to view women as objects that serve the purpose of satisfying selfish needs.
  • Subtracting the idea of divorce forces both people in a marriage to work on themselves thus improving the marriage
  • Subtracting the idea of having sex with other men eliminates the possibility of an affair taking place because affairs occur from a seed of a thought.

“Everything starts with a thought”

There is beauty and value in a woman who chooses to pursue a clean mind and pure heart. So, don’t feel alone sister. You are not alone. I’m with you and I too choose to be blind to all the lies and the garbage that our society tries to feed us. I fight everyday to keep my mind clean and my eyes focused on Christ. #ichooseblindness

Thank you for reading. God bless you.

Maritza


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Leggings: why not?

Someone approached me the other day and asked me why I always wear my high-waisted leggings.

Uh…. Hello! Why not wear leggings?! I just gave birth, my pre-pregnancy clothes don’t fit and my pregnancy clothes obviously don’t fit me. And to top it off, I’m always home taking care of my two kids lol

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So, why not leggings?!

I was so upset at the question because this woman knows that I just had a kid, I’m barely getting any sleep, I’m breastfeeding on demand… I mean what else am I supposed to wear lol

Am I supposed to wear heels and a dress everyday?! Uh I don’t think so!

Why are some women so fixated on looking good and decked out all the time?

Is it really necessary especially when we are cooking, cleaning and running errands.

I must confess I would love to wear a nice pair of jeans, but I feel so physically busted because my stomach isn’t back to how it was pre-pregnancy that it’s impossible for my jeans to fit me well right now. Also, I haven’t lost all the weight that I have wanted to lose so the cute pair of shorts that I once wore can’t even go past my hips! :/

For now, so what if my leggings are my go to bottoms?!

I don’t like waist trainers, as this person suggested me to wear under my clothes, they’re too darn uncomfortable. Why not let me be?

There is nothing wrong with leggings sisters.
Don’t let anyone make you feel less just because you don’t match their standards.

For a moment she did make me feel worse about appearance. I began to second guess myself. I thought to myself, “maybe I should wear a dress and maybe shoes with small heel” “maybe I should wear a waist trainer so that my stomach won’t sag.”

So many thoughts crossed my mind. I allowed her comments to make me feel bad about my appearance, but I shook it off immediately.

The reality is that we do have to take care of our appearance and try to look nice, especially for our husbands, but not to the extreme of wearing heels and full on makeup everyday. Again there is nothing wrong with wearing leggings!

Those are my two cents for the day!

Thank you for reading. God bless!

Christian Marriage: Truth Part 1

We are in the car, my husband is driving and the kids are fast asleep. I’m looking out the window thinking about all the things that I want to achieve this year. My thoughts were interrupted by the redundant music that my husband kept playing.

At that moment I noticed three things.

  • Song after song, they all had something in common. They were “reaggaeton songs. Although I like certain songs in this genre, “sex” tends to be the central theme. And it’s not like these men are rapping about making love to their lovely wives lol These songs portray women as mere sex objects. The lyrics are degrading towards women.
  • As the songs continued on and my husband kept driving, I also noticed he has become comfortable with cursing again.
  • The cursing came out so naturally as he yelled at the car that cut him off, but in that moment I noticed the third flaw that kind of scared me. There was rage in his voice. Not anger, but rage. There is a huge difference between the two.

Now, this might seem silly to many of you reading this. It might even be normal to many of you, but to us, this is definitely not our norm. It’s quite disappointing. It’s almost like taking a step backwards.

There was a point in time when cursing and not caring about what I listened to, was normal. But that’s not the case anymore. Getting to know God and God’s heart throughout my spiritual journey has changed me inside out. I now see that what we listen to affects the way we think and it influences our behavior. How we speak reflects the condition of our spirit and our heart. That being said, being a woman of faith has really changed me and it’s placed me on this spiritual journey where all I want to pursue is to be the woman that God has called me to be. So to hear my husband curse was a bit of an unpleasant surprise. To hear him listen to sex music back to back, saddened me for many reasons.

All of this is troubling because if you look on the surface his choice of music, his language and his behavior is an indication of what’s going on in his heart. For me to see different and negative changes is worrisome.

A year ago God showed me that what we choose as form of entertainment traps us. The word entertainment is composed of two words. Enter and detain. So when you are being entertained, whatever it is that is entertaining you, enters you and detains. Detainment can cause you to remain in a negative state of mind which will influence your behavior. So, we need to be careful with what we choose as form of entertainment. For it will detain us and begin pricking at our mind. 

As a christian wife who is constantly seeking for ways to be renewed by God, it’s so easy to lose hope in believing that God can renew my husband’s mind and change even the smallest of character flaws. The renewal of his heart seems impossible to me. The other reason why this is an impossible to me because this just adds to the list of things that he  already has to work on. That being said, Christian marriages are not perfect, but we have assurance that God is working in us and through us.

I share this in hopes that if you’re a Christian wife and you’re husband is negatively changing or diverting back to his old ways…

It’s time to pray. It’s time to believe the impossible.

It’s time to intercede. It’s time to ask God to bring to the light any problems that may be hidden. It’s not time to lose hope in our husbands, but rather place our hope in the Lord. It’s easier said then done, but we have to fight for our marriages.

It’s time to believe in God and the condition of man.

“God wants us to love the unlovable”

God isn’t done with your journey! You’re standing in the middle of your greatest testimony which means that their is an end to this process. Your pain is not in vain. Keep praying and keep seeking. God is with you!

Thank you for reading. God bless.

Maritza


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Little Women in Need

As I continue to write my book I can’t help, but think about all the teenagers and young women that will read it. So many young girls walking around with identity and insecurity issues and no solution. So, they turn to what they see on social media as quick confidence fixes.

I see many young girls in need of love. In need of attention. In need of real friendships. In need of affirmation and encouragement.

  • Yet you turn to fake friendships just to feel a sense of belonging.
  • You turn to guys and pointless dates to feel significant.
  • You invest in unhealthy relationships just to feel loved.
  • You walk around half-naked to feel admired.
  • You place much emphasis on your outer appearance because the admiration of many eyes gives you a sense of worth and adds value to who you are.

Little woman, you are much more than the clothes you wear and the makeup that you slap on your face.

Your worth isn’t found in outward things.

Your source of value and identity should not be product centered.

Your source of confidence should not be dependent on the opinions of others.

Raw confidence is found in turning to that little girl deep inside you and facing those deepest, darkest wounds.

It’s healing from the negative comments that you heard about you when you were young.

Perhaps your parents called you names out of love yet they may have been hurtful to you.

Maybe they gave you a nickname that negatively targeted a body part. Boys probably made fun of you for what they considered a physical flaw. Perhaps your disability caused many people to constantly stare at you and make fun of you.

Whatever the case may be. Look into the mirror and speak to that little girl deep inside whose hurting and longing for approval. Know that you can pray and ask God in that moment to heal you. To free you from that jail of discontent with yourself that has kept you sad and bitter for such a long time.

  • It’s time to grieve that old you and welcome a new you. I know that there is an image that you hold onto of who you want to become. Hold onto that image and pursue it.

Healing from past wounds is key to loving yourself and to gain self-esteem, but to heal you must confront.

  • To continue on that healing journey it is important that you seek for God to find your true identity. Read God’s word, for in it you will discover that you were created with a purpose and slowly discovering that purpose will launch you to experiencing raw confidence.
  • When you know that all your struggles can serve someone else as encouragement. When you know that every one of your setbacks can be a perfect platform for you greatest comebacks. When you can understand that life does not happen to you, it happens for you. When you can understand that your greatest disadvantages can be the tools that God needs to use to prosper you. When you know that you were created with a plan in mine. Then you have the proper foundations to building a life that you will be proud of.
  • Having a solid identity will lead you to loving yourself and most importantly it will take you to experience a level of confidence that will be grounded on what you think of yourself than what others think of you. The opinion of others won’t matter as much. You will be free.
  • Healing, discovering your purpose and knowing your identity in Christ will lead you to loving yourself.

Raw confidence is not product centered. It’s purpose centered.

Thank you for reading and God bless!

-Maritza


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Stay tuned for the release of my book where I will share some of the most craziest, darkest experiences that I went through in my teenage years and young adulthood, all because I had not healed from my past and was only in touch with the confidence that I borrowed from watching other girls around me.

The Perfection Standard

I used to believe in perfection.

The problem is that we believe so much in perfection that we become perfectionists and we fail to notice that its doesn’t exist. There is no such thing as perfection. Unconsciously, setting this fake standard has left me in a state of paralysis at different seasons in my life.

The fear of not meeting this fraudulent standard has paralyzed me from pursuing goals thus delaying the realization of many dreams.

There are many books that I haven’t finished out of fear of them not being perfectly written. There are many book ideas and projects that I’ve never developed out of fear that its structure wouldn’t be perfect. Heck, there are still many times that I stop myself from writing many blog posts out of fear of the feedback that I will receive.

There is a gap.

Meeting our own perfection standard is what’s in between fear and action.

This perfection standard has been an infection that’s spread to many areas of my life. I speak of this because I wonder how many of you have felt this way in the past or may feel this way now.

We have just entered a new year. A new beginning is before us. It is a chance for us to breakdown this standard of perfection, and walk over it, in pursuit of the things that we want to attain this year.

It’s time that you forget about being perfect or perfectly executing goals, because this isn’t a real belief or expectation. There needs to be a mind shift.

This new year you must accept that many failures are coming. In fact, you may face more failures than victories. But, I have good news. Our greatest lessons are found in our failures.

The beauty of failure and falling down, is that the choice to get back up and continue the walk, is entirely up to you. Every time I failed to eat a healthy meal I had two options, either beat myself up for it, or make sure that my next meal was a healthy one.

In many of my falls, I discovered that it didn’t matter how many times I fell off as long as I got up and got back on track.

As you set your goals and you plan out how you will achieve them, keep in mind that there is no such thing as a perfect plan or perfect execution. Realistically, take into account that your plans will not always go as you foresee them. There will be twists and turns. There will be failed tests and exams. Many times you will turn down healthy meals. Many times you will wake up late when you indeed planned to get up early. Many times you will pass by Starbucks even though you promised yourself you would stay away from coffee for a month. There will be times where you will tell yourself that the picture you posted would’ve been better or the video that you uploaded onto YouTube could’ve had better content. You could’ve looked better for that important interview or there was so much more valuable information that you could’ve shared at your interview.

 

Whatever it is, you get the point.

You will never be perfect. You will never have perfect plans. There will never be perfect execution. There will always be something that you would’ve done better or plans that could’ve unraveled better.

But, note!

Everything happens for a reason. The fact that you aren’t perfect will lead you to make the best mistakes of your life. It’s in our mistakes that we improve. Key word, improve!

To improve means that there is a better you, that you have yet to see.

The journey to building yourself is one of discovery and fulfillment. To accept that you need to improve means that you still have many more experiences to live out, and many fears to conquer. All which will drive you to become that person you dream of becoming.

The beauty is in the journey towards improvement.

To understand that there will always be room for improvement should be liberating.

Break free from the standard of perfection. Always give your best. Always be kind. Always be joyful. Always take the time to see the good in others. Don’t be so hard on yourself. Know that you aren’t perfect, but each day make the decisions that will get you a step closer to that person that you want to become.

Keep pressing forward. Forget about being perfect. It’s time to be bold. Be free!

Thank you for reading and God bless.


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Love yourself they say, but how?

I remember a time when everyone would tell me that I needed to love myself, but I never understood what loving myself required.

On my journey to loving myself I discovered that I had to love more than just my physical appearance. I knew that it went beyond liking who I was on the inside because on my journey to loving myself I had to come face to face with a truth that shook me… I couldn’t truly love myself because I didn’t really like who I was on the inside.

I had to confront the good, the bad and the ugly. I had to accept my flaws. I had to look at all the inner parts of my soul and my being. This journey led me to seek for God and his help because I did not want to possess the confidence that we see in our world. The kind of confidence that is purchased at a clothing store or at a plastic surgery center.

In the beginning of my journey I was desperately hungry for real and raw confidence. The type of confidence that forced me to dissect the darkest parts of my soul. Knowing this, I made a conscientious decision to become aware of my actions, of the words that came out of my mouth and my reactions. I found myself frequently asking praying and asking God to renew my mind and my heart.

I found myself forced to revisit my past in order to understand when certain insecurities were born in my soul. I had to uncover when feelings of shame were born so that I could uproot them from my soul, and replant words of life and truth into the core of my being.

I understood that our insecurities and self-esteem issues grow roots deep within in us and they grow as trees do. They give fruit to the need for attention and acceptance in our later years simply because we can’t accept and love ourselves. So we become hungry and this hunger leads us to search to be fed love and acceptance from outer sources.

Loving yourself goes beyond looking in the mirror and repeating words of affirmation. Words of affirmation help, but only provide a temporary boost rather than a permanent solution.

Loving oneself requires being transformed by God.

Our transformation process happens as we read the word of God and begin to plant new seeds of truth and life into our soul. A daily prayer life provides you with a permanent boost of confidence because you are reminded of who you were always meant to be.

You are unique. There is only one of you. Any lies that were ever spoken to you as a child or when you were growing up were only meant to remove any room for GOD-FIDENCE, but God’s word says that you were fearfully, and beautifully made.

Psalm 139:14

I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.

God created us in his image and his image is divinely perfect.

He created you to display His splendor. He created you to display a specific, beautiful aspect of Himself and the instant we adopt God as our daddy, everything changes. Only then can our true identity become visible to us. A spiritual blindfold must be removed.

Know that you are the daughter or the son of the most high.

Everything that has happened to you or that has negatively affected your self-esteem, or that may have damaged the image that you have of yourself, can be fully transformed by the most high, Abba Father.

The beginning to loving yourself if facing your past, accepting your present flaws and discovering your God-given destiny.

Your true journey to attaining raw god-fidence begins now!

Thank you for reading. Be blessed.

Sex & Human Trafficking: Global Issue

Every two minutes women and children are being sexually exploited, abused and used as a means for making a profit.

It’s time that we decide to face this issue because it’s a huge injustice that needs our attention. We need to protect the lives of our children and stand up to speak for those who do not have a voice. It’s time to stand up for those women and children that are forced to remain quiet and imprisoned.

It’s time to support movements such as @stoppingtrafficfilm

Here in Miami at Sunset Place AMC there is a film premiering on Friday September 29, 2017 that educates on the ins and outs of human trafficking.

Watch trailer now! Stopping Traffic: The Film

The numbers are extremely high, and with such high numbers it can be hard to believe that we can influence change, BUT change can take place if we can choose to change the way we think. We need to make a decision to look within ourselves and accept our flaws. People want to help abolish sex and human trafficking, but they do not want to stop watching porn or supporting the sex industry via attending strip clubs etc. There is a demand in this industry and this demand is what needs to be eradicated.

Sex trafficking is about control. Men and women traffickers want to control others. Traffickers are also controlled and driven by disturbing desires. Whether Some are influenced by their love of money or their need to possess control over another human being it isn’t right.

There is nothing attractive or desirable about exploiting women and children. The type of people who do this are mentally ill and lack empathy for humanity.

There is nothing sexy nor sensual about children. Children are beautiful human beings who deserve to live out their childhoods exploring, playing, discovering life and the world around them. They should not have to live lives suppressing their emotions, battling the pain that comes with being abused, nor should they face an internal war with their identity. Children should not be put in a position of living in survival mode. This matter needs our attention.

Are you ready to be part of the solution or will you just sit back and watch as this issue spirals out of control and reaches those closest to you? You could be the next victim, the teenagers around us can be the next victims, anyone can be next? Are you ready to help with this issue?

If you live in Miami come out and support the fight against human trafficking by watching the film Stopping Traffic: The Film

Lets get educated and educate others on this global issue!

Thank you for reading and God bless you!

Shame on you

In the past, I have tried to use my anger to instill fear in my son to make him obey me. I confess that I have also used shaming as a tactic to manipulate and control my son’s behavior. I have done this not consciously, but unconsciously because it’s the parenting style that I have witnessed throughout my life. Yes, I’m guilty, and I do accept that using anger and shame as discipline drivers are not positive, nor do they communicate love.

I want to share this with you because as I live out this whole parenting journey, I find that the more I work on myself and my flaws, the more effective I become as a parent.

Manipulation:

When I have felt the need to manipulate my son to behave the way I want him to behave, I have noticed that my own desire to manipulate does not come from a healthy place.

When we feel the need to manipulate our children, we may lean on forceful ways to have them comply and many times that includes resorting to harsh corporal punishment.

We manipulate because a situation may feel our of control and our natural reaction will be to fight our way back up to holding on to the reigns. Not only is this dangerous, but it’s a sign of fear. Our own fear can take us to pull out the “shame on you card,” and the “anger tactic.”

Our job is not to control our children. They are not robots.

Our anger gets in the way of empathizing with our children because for some parents being empathetic will require to become vulnerable. Parents with anger issues, or undetected anger issues, have a hard time allowing themselves to become vulnerable because to be vulnerable is to enter one’s own feelings.

To have self-control over one’s emotions is true courage.

When we instill fear in our children to get them to respond to what we are commanding them to do, we are acting from an unhealthy place. Rather then letting anger lead our words and actions, we should discipline from a place of self-control.

When I was a little girl, I remember that I did something that wasn’t pleasing to my dad. It was so petty that I don’t even remember what I did wrong, BUT what I do remember was his reaction. He whipped me with a belt and left a mark on the side of my left thigh. After he hit me I remember going to a corner of the room and crawling into a ball. I cried. I felt alone and I felt so much hate towards him. I remember going to school the next day and talking about how much I hated my dad. I resented him for it and till this day I still remember how he made me feel.

We should NEVER force a child to behave a certain way. Instead, we should always kindly correct the behavior, and not the child.

Forceful discipline = power struggle & resentment

Children who feel attacked go into defense mode (this is how any human being responds to an attack, it’s normal) <<<<<<<<<<<<< Why can’t people understand this! It’s upsetting.

Shame:

Shame is a very powerful emotion.

There are many ways that parents have made us feel ashamed and often times this shame brews deep, self-conscious emotions in our hearts.

When we tell a child that they should be ashamed of themselves we are communicating to them that there is something wrong with them.

When we use shaming as a way to make children refrain from a certain behavior, what we’re really doing is humiliating them. To humiliate and shame a child is to be emotionally abusive.

To humiliate a child is to insert a chip in their mind that tells them they aren’t good enough. Once installed, this information has a long-term impact into adulthood.

Everyone deserves to be treated with respect, especially children. Children are the most vulnerable and should be protected, loved and supported especially throughout their growth process.

Let’s be conscious and be intentional about the things that we say and do.

It’s time for a shift in parenting. It’s time to discipline with empathy, compassion and respect. Above all, with tons of love.

Love always wins.

Thank you for reading! Many blessings.

How to Overcome Childhood Pains

Everything begins in our childhood.

As a child my norm was seeing adults get drunk, have house parties, people physically fight, physical abuse, verbal abuse and endured sexual abuse.

All of this chaos intertwined instilled many insecurities, self-doubt, self-consciousness, trust issues, an insatiable need for love and attention, and the need for comfort.

If you experienced a troubled childhood, I want to tell you that healing is possible.

Face your past. Face your sadness. Face your trauma. Face your struggles. Face your yourself. If your children have witnessed violent behavior or have experienced abuse, it’s time to talk about it and not sweep the problem under a rug.

Find help and talk about your feelings. Do not keep your thoughts buried deep inside you.

Talk about what you went through because once you bring it to the light it can no longer haunt you as it did before.

Pray and ask God to heal all your wounds.

Declare healing upon your mind, body, soul and spirit.

Speak life onto your present. Declare good things for yourself in Jesus name.

Transformation is inevitable when you seek for God’s divine healing.

Be transformed. Be healed.

-Maritza M.