A NEW BREED OF WOMEN: CHAPTER 3

IMG_20180523_101228_230.jpg

I always take a deep breathe when I talk about chapter 3 of my book. Particularly because it can easily be frowned upon by many. It opens a wide door for much criticism and knowing this I wrote it anyway for two reasons: to set the tone for transparency and to be obedient to what God has called me to do.

Before I began to write, “A New Breed of Women,” I thought about all the episodes in my life that marked me and the one’s I had to work through.

Chapter three was one of those chapters where I removed my mask to the world and admitted my desperate attempts at trying to fill my emptiness. I shared my stories because what I felt in those moments in my life are the same feelings and experiences that many young girls are living out today. And like me, they’re probably living similar situations, in silence. They’re the reason why I wrote chapter three, “Beautiful Disaster.”

I wrote this chapter for the young girls that feel in desperate need of love and comfort.

I share my experiences so that you may have the courage to face your skeletons, your hurt, your confusion, and your own shame. I’m here to tell you that there is an anecdote to your emotional neediness. And it will never be found in the drugs that you use, the alcohol you consume, or the men and women that you seek. Your freedom is found in Christ. It’s the word of God that you need to understand who you are. It’s in prayer and in developing a relationship with God, that you find fullness and wholeness.

When the word of God transitions from being words to feelings and encounters, the word becomes life. It’s made flesh. It’s like drinking quenching, cold water on a scorching summer day. The word of God is refreshing onto our soul.

His word became real in my life. His word became my drug of choice, prayer became that go to relationship that I was desperate for. Walking with God daily, helped me see who I was always meant to be. God showed me that my future in Him is bright.

If God did this with me, He can do it in your life. When the word goes from being theories to life, miracles happen. Changes are set in motion. Chains are broken. Past pains are healed.

But it’s all a process. It takes faith, stamina and persistence to walk with Jesus in a transformative process.

And although faith is free there is a price to pay, and that price has a name. The name is, “Courage.”

Choosing to have courage hurts because it requires you to push yourself to your limit. But when you do, God opens doors. God makes himself known to you.

So, know this, you’re not alone. In my book, “A New Breed of Women,” I put my life on blast so that you can understand that there’s nothing to be ashamed of and if you keep your pain and struggles in darkness, they end up haunting you.

Shame and pain want to keep you imprisoned, but Jesus came to set us all free from our destructive, emotional prisons.

Bring all your darkness to light and if you don’t have faith or courage yet, don’t worry borrow my faith. Now, you might be asking yourself, “How can I borrow your faith?”

You can borrow my faith by knowing my pain, my struggles and sorrows. By understanding God’s healing power through my eyes and my life experiences. If he did it with me, He can do it with you.

I tell you this, God is certainly not done with me. I have a long way to go, but as I continue to walk this faith journey, I’m becoming kinder, merciful, empathetic, etc. All because I choose to seek for the renewal of my mind in God’s living word.

And if He’s not done with me, “Guess what?” He is certainly not done with you.

Many blessings to you!

20180622_015908_0001.png

Advertisements

WORDS UNSPOKEN

Our sex journey begins the moment we identify the differences between the male and the female body. As children, our body parts become this secretive subject that we never speak about. And that’s when curiosity takes over.

Personally, no one ever spoke to me about my private parts nor did I ever have the sex talk. And the fact that I endured sexual abuse at a really young age only made matters worse. I remember little old me staring at the mirror and analyzing myself, not being able to shake off the feeling of awkwardness.

There was also this cloud of shame and guilt that were tied to anything related to the topic of sex and body image, and I couldn’t quite figure out how to make it go away. My view on sexual embrace was negative and as a teenager, it complicated things because I felt pressured. And as we all know, sex is expected in boyfriend and girlfriend relationships. So, I had to give in, right? Or so I thought.

I believed the LIE that I had to have sex if I wanted a boyfriend

Sex took a new meaning when I became a young adult. The act itself became so normal that it was meaningless.

The world teaches us this:

Date around. Have boyfriend. Have sex. Make the relationship work. And if it doesn’t, move onto the next one. Repeat the cycle until you find your ONE.

Only to find out that by the time you find “the” guy, you’ve already slept around with over 5 guys or more.

1527655565733_image8972109671316800852.jpg

A Shift in Perspective

When I began to follow my faith as a Christian, I learned a lot about sex. Two truths transformed my perspective and helped me view sex through a healthy and pure lens.

  1. God created sex to be the consummation of love between a man and a woman in a marriage.
  2. Genesis 2:25 says, “Adam and his wife were both naked, and they felt no shame.” God never meant sex and our bodies to be a source of shame. God designed sex for us to enjoy with our spouse because He knew what we, as human beings, choose to ignore— when we have sex with multiple sex partners we become desensitized by sex, sex becomes meaningless, we become frigid, selfish and we fall into the comparison trap. These bullies rob us of the beauty, pureness and wonder that sex can truly be.

The problem with our society is that it’s full of depravity. Sex has taken the form of promiscuity, porn and sexualization of everything around us.

Why is this topic important?

There are many young girls walking around believing that they need to have sex. There is a cultural pressure to engage in sex. And those are the same girls that are walking around with negative views on sex and they go into marriage where many issues are developed surrounding the topic of sex. For males, we live in a culture where being a man is measured by how many sexual encounters a man has. This is a lie that all of our young boys believe.

Time to Educate & be Educated

Our families and our children need to adopt healthy perspectives on sex. This requires conversations. We need to talk about it more.

It’s time to educate ourselves through the word of God. We need to do our own research and understand God’s design for sex. We need to spend time in retrospect and dig for the hidden and buried views that we have about sex.

Go back to when you were a child and first experienced curiosity about your body. Travel back in time when you first discovered what sex was. Write down what you thought and what you witnessed because those first ideas and images, relating to sex and one’s body, marked your overall beliefs and perspectives on the topic.

It’s important that we help our children learn about their bodies in a shame free environment. We need to affirm them in that they are beautiful, that their bodies are a temple, and should be guarded. Let’s make their first discoveries about sex pleasant and link them to positive notions. Because it’s time to raise a generation that won’t spend their time recovering, but rather thriving.

Let’s set the best example and work towards change.

Together we can cause a shift in this generation by raising a new breed of kids. It starts with us. Women, we need to change the game. We need to stop being so accessible. We need to surrender to God. It’s time to view sex through a clean lens.

It’s time to become, “A New Breed of Women.”


Read more about sex and how we are desensitizing children.

Sex Culture: Desensitizing Children

The other day while I was on YouTube I watched an interview between a psychologist and a sex-trafficker and what he said was mind blowing to me.

Sex Trafficker said:

“Society is doing the grooming for us. Too many girls are walking around with low self-esteem and they are already portraying themselves as sex symbols. It’s too easy”

It’s true. We are living in the midst of a culture where everything is over sexualized.

“Global grooming is taking place”

  • Children are being raised in broken homes which brings about identity and security issues.
  • Little girls are being dressed with clothing that they should not be wearing.
  • Moms are not being an example of dignity and modesty. It’s quite the opposite.
  • Single moms parade their different relationships in front of her kids not realizing that she is setting the wrong example for her little children.

Not enough fathers take their role seriously. They don’t realize that to little girls their daddy’s words are life. If daddy is present and speaks words of life onto his daughter that daughter will grow to have massive confidence and won’t need to find it in other men. If daddy values his daughter, that little girl will not grow up to be this desperate young girl seeking attention from men.

I’ve realized that many women will read this and not care. Not every woman cares about their children or the next generation as they say they do.

Not many moms care about what their daughters future’s looks like at the hands of different men. Not many people think about the consequences of promiscuity and what such example can cause to the next generation.

Many women are self-fish. Many women choose to fulfill their own sexual desires and in the process they end up parading different of men in front of her kids. These types of women don’t care about setting the right example for their daughters and young boys. Children are being exposed to sex at an earlier age through subliminal porn found at home, in social media as well as in our world around us. Game apps have pop-ups of cartoon women dressed half-naked and this is being flaunted to our children 24/7.

We must raise a generation of respectful young ladies and gentlemen.

We must change and be different.

We need to bring chivalry back, but that starts with us, WOMEN.

Little Women in Need

As I continue to write my book I can’t help, but think about all the teenagers and young women that will read it. So many young girls walking around with identity and insecurity issues and no solution. So, they turn to what they see on social media as quick confidence fixes.

I see many young girls in need of love. In need of attention. In need of real friendships. In need of affirmation and encouragement.

  • Yet you turn to fake friendships just to feel a sense of belonging.
  • You turn to guys and pointless dates to feel significant.
  • You invest in unhealthy relationships just to feel loved.
  • You walk around half-naked to feel admired.
  • You place much emphasis on your outer appearance because the admiration of many eyes gives you a sense of worth and adds value to who you are.

Little woman, you are much more than the clothes you wear and the makeup that you slap on your face.

Your worth isn’t found in outward things.

Your source of value and identity should not be product centered.

Your source of confidence should not be dependent on the opinions of others.

Raw confidence is found in turning to that little girl deep inside you and facing those deepest, darkest wounds.

It’s healing from the negative comments that you heard about you when you were young.

Perhaps your parents called you names out of love yet they may have been hurtful to you.

Maybe they gave you a nickname that negatively targeted a body part. Boys probably made fun of you for what they considered a physical flaw. Perhaps your disability caused many people to constantly stare at you and make fun of you.

Whatever the case may be. Look into the mirror and speak to that little girl deep inside whose hurting and longing for approval. Know that you can pray and ask God in that moment to heal you. To free you from that jail of discontent with yourself that has kept you sad and bitter for such a long time.

  • It’s time to grieve that old you and welcome a new you. I know that there is an image that you hold onto of who you want to become. Hold onto that image and pursue it.

Healing from past wounds is key to loving yourself and to gain self-esteem, but to heal you must confront.

  • To continue on that healing journey it is important that you seek for God to find your true identity. Read God’s word, for in it you will discover that you were created with a purpose and slowly discovering that purpose will launch you to experiencing raw confidence.
  • When you know that all your struggles can serve someone else as encouragement. When you know that every one of your setbacks can be a perfect platform for you greatest comebacks. When you can understand that life does not happen to you, it happens for you. When you can understand that your greatest disadvantages can be the tools that God needs to use to prosper you. When you know that you were created with a plan in mine. Then you have the proper foundations to building a life that you will be proud of.
  • Having a solid identity will lead you to loving yourself and most importantly it will take you to experience a level of confidence that will be grounded on what you think of yourself than what others think of you. The opinion of others won’t matter as much. You will be free.
  • Healing, discovering your purpose and knowing your identity in Christ will lead you to loving yourself.

Raw confidence is not product centered. It’s purpose centered.

Thank you for reading and God bless!

-Maritza


Follow me on Instagram

Stay tuned for the release of my book where I will share some of the most craziest, darkest experiences that I went through in my teenage years and young adulthood, all because I had not healed from my past and was only in touch with the confidence that I borrowed from watching other girls around me.

The Perfection Standard

I used to believe in perfection.

The problem is that we believe so much in perfection that we become perfectionists and we fail to notice that its doesn’t exist. There is no such thing as perfection. Unconsciously, setting this fake standard has left me in a state of paralysis at different seasons in my life.

The fear of not meeting this fraudulent standard has paralyzed me from pursuing goals thus delaying the realization of many dreams.

There are many books that I haven’t finished out of fear of them not being perfectly written. There are many book ideas and projects that I’ve never developed out of fear that its structure wouldn’t be perfect. Heck, there are still many times that I stop myself from writing many blog posts out of fear of the feedback that I will receive.

There is a gap.

Meeting our own perfection standard is what’s in between fear and action.

This perfection standard has been an infection that’s spread to many areas of my life. I speak of this because I wonder how many of you have felt this way in the past or may feel this way now.

We have just entered a new year. A new beginning is before us. It is a chance for us to breakdown this standard of perfection, and walk over it, in pursuit of the things that we want to attain this year.

It’s time that you forget about being perfect or perfectly executing goals, because this isn’t a real belief or expectation. There needs to be a mind shift.

This new year you must accept that many failures are coming. In fact, you may face more failures than victories. But, I have good news. Our greatest lessons are found in our failures.

The beauty of failure and falling down, is that the choice to get back up and continue the walk, is entirely up to you. Every time I failed to eat a healthy meal I had two options, either beat myself up for it, or make sure that my next meal was a healthy one.

In many of my falls, I discovered that it didn’t matter how many times I fell off as long as I got up and got back on track.

As you set your goals and you plan out how you will achieve them, keep in mind that there is no such thing as a perfect plan or perfect execution. Realistically, take into account that your plans will not always go as you foresee them. There will be twists and turns. There will be failed tests and exams. Many times you will turn down healthy meals. Many times you will wake up late when you indeed planned to get up early. Many times you will pass by Starbucks even though you promised yourself you would stay away from coffee for a month. There will be times where you will tell yourself that the picture you posted would’ve been better or the video that you uploaded onto YouTube could’ve had better content. You could’ve looked better for that important interview or there was so much more valuable information that you could’ve shared at your interview.

 

Whatever it is, you get the point.

You will never be perfect. You will never have perfect plans. There will never be perfect execution. There will always be something that you would’ve done better or plans that could’ve unraveled better.

But, note!

Everything happens for a reason. The fact that you aren’t perfect will lead you to make the best mistakes of your life. It’s in our mistakes that we improve. Key word, improve!

To improve means that there is a better you, that you have yet to see.

The journey to building yourself is one of discovery and fulfillment. To accept that you need to improve means that you still have many more experiences to live out, and many fears to conquer. All which will drive you to become that person you dream of becoming.

The beauty is in the journey towards improvement.

To understand that there will always be room for improvement should be liberating.

Break free from the standard of perfection. Always give your best. Always be kind. Always be joyful. Always take the time to see the good in others. Don’t be so hard on yourself. Know that you aren’t perfect, but each day make the decisions that will get you a step closer to that person that you want to become.

Keep pressing forward. Forget about being perfect. It’s time to be bold. Be free!

Thank you for reading and God bless.


Follow me on Instagram!

Love yourself they say, but how?

I remember a time when everyone would tell me that I needed to love myself, but I never understood what loving myself required.

On my journey to loving myself I discovered that I had to love more than just my physical appearance. I knew that it went beyond liking who I was on the inside because on my journey to loving myself I had to come face to face with a truth that shook me… I couldn’t truly love myself because I didn’t really like who I was on the inside.

I had to confront the good, the bad and the ugly. I had to accept my flaws. I had to look at all the inner parts of my soul and my being. This journey led me to seek for God and his help because I did not want to possess the confidence that we see in our world. The kind of confidence that is purchased at a clothing store or at a plastic surgery center.

In the beginning of my journey I was desperately hungry for real and raw confidence. The type of confidence that forced me to dissect the darkest parts of my soul. Knowing this, I made a conscientious decision to become aware of my actions, of the words that came out of my mouth and my reactions. I found myself frequently asking praying and asking God to renew my mind and my heart.

I found myself forced to revisit my past in order to understand when certain insecurities were born in my soul. I had to uncover when feelings of shame were born so that I could uproot them from my soul, and replant words of life and truth into the core of my being.

I understood that our insecurities and self-esteem issues grow roots deep within in us and they grow as trees do. They give fruit to the need for attention and acceptance in our later years simply because we can’t accept and love ourselves. So we become hungry and this hunger leads us to search to be fed love and acceptance from outer sources.

Loving yourself goes beyond looking in the mirror and repeating words of affirmation. Words of affirmation help, but only provide a temporary boost rather than a permanent solution.

Loving oneself requires being transformed by God.

Our transformation process happens as we read the word of God and begin to plant new seeds of truth and life into our soul. A daily prayer life provides you with a permanent boost of confidence because you are reminded of who you were always meant to be.

You are unique. There is only one of you. Any lies that were ever spoken to you as a child or when you were growing up were only meant to remove any room for GOD-FIDENCE, but God’s word says that you were fearfully, and beautifully made.

Psalm 139:14

I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.

God created us in his image and his image is divinely perfect.

He created you to display His splendor. He created you to display a specific, beautiful aspect of Himself and the instant we adopt God as our daddy, everything changes. Only then can our true identity become visible to us. A spiritual blindfold must be removed.

Know that you are the daughter or the son of the most high.

Everything that has happened to you or that has negatively affected your self-esteem, or that may have damaged the image that you have of yourself, can be fully transformed by the most high, Abba Father.

The beginning to loving yourself if facing your past, accepting your present flaws and discovering your God-given destiny.

Your true journey to attaining raw god-fidence begins now!

Thank you for reading. Be blessed.

Sex & Human Trafficking: Global Issue

Every two minutes women and children are being sexually exploited, abused and used as a means for making a profit.

It’s time that we decide to face this issue because it’s a huge injustice that needs our attention. We need to protect the lives of our children and stand up to speak for those who do not have a voice. It’s time to stand up for those women and children that are forced to remain quiet and imprisoned.

It’s time to support movements such as @stoppingtrafficfilm

Here in Miami at Sunset Place AMC there is a film premiering on Friday September 29, 2017 that educates on the ins and outs of human trafficking.

Watch trailer now! Stopping Traffic: The Film

The numbers are extremely high, and with such high numbers it can be hard to believe that we can influence change, BUT change can take place if we can choose to change the way we think. We need to make a decision to look within ourselves and accept our flaws. People want to help abolish sex and human trafficking, but they do not want to stop watching porn or supporting the sex industry via attending strip clubs etc. There is a demand in this industry and this demand is what needs to be eradicated.

Sex trafficking is about control. Men and women traffickers want to control others. Traffickers are also controlled and driven by disturbing desires. Whether Some are influenced by their love of money or their need to possess control over another human being it isn’t right.

There is nothing attractive or desirable about exploiting women and children. The type of people who do this are mentally ill and lack empathy for humanity.

There is nothing sexy nor sensual about children. Children are beautiful human beings who deserve to live out their childhoods exploring, playing, discovering life and the world around them. They should not have to live lives suppressing their emotions, battling the pain that comes with being abused, nor should they face an internal war with their identity. Children should not be put in a position of living in survival mode. This matter needs our attention.

Are you ready to be part of the solution or will you just sit back and watch as this issue spirals out of control and reaches those closest to you? You could be the next victim, the teenagers around us can be the next victims, anyone can be next? Are you ready to help with this issue?

If you live in Miami come out and support the fight against human trafficking by watching the film Stopping Traffic: The Film

Lets get educated and educate others on this global issue!

Thank you for reading and God bless you!

Image

While in Las Vegas…

My husband won a trip to Las Vegas for meeting each quota every quarter in 2016. What was amazing to discover is that he makes part of the one percent of successful sales associates in T-Mobile.

T-Mobile gave us the opportunity to experience amazing shows and entertainment while we were in Vegas. There were many gifts provided as well as a Visa card with funds for us to spend on whatever we wanted.

My husband my son and I had a blast!!! Best experience ever.

However, I know that Las Vegas is known as sin city and I got to see a small glimpse of people that reflected how damaging this environment can be especially for young people.

Till this day I had not seen so many young homeless both guys and girls.

One thing that I did witness and brought such sadness to my heart, was witnessing 5 young people exchanging a syringe and shooting up their bodies with what may have been heroine. I also saw a young man on the strip balled up in fetal position right on the sidewalk completely obliterated by the effects of whatever is it he consumed. I also saw yet another young man hallucinating and talking to himself on one of the walkways, asking for money to eat.

This was saddening and heartbreaking. I asked myself, what drives these young people to become these lost and broken young adults.

Many reasons crossed my mind, but the one thing that I kept asking myself was, where are their parents?

I recognized that our role as parents is more important than we care to accept.

It’s up to us to raise children that will not be broken adults.

It’s time to raise children whose emotional needs are met throughout childhood.

It’s up to us to raise emotionally intelligent children who will grow up to be adults that know how to manage their emotions.

It’s up to us to raise little girls whom are confident and do not need to seek for love in other men later in life.

It’s up to us to raise little boys who respect and honor their parents through respectful discipline.

It’s up to us to raise the next generation of people who will be living adult lives thriving and achieving dreams, rather than adults who are recovering from childhood pains, neglect, insecurities, abuse and indifference.

The time has come to grow as individuals and be better parents.

Do you ignore your child’s feelings?

Are you aware that your toddler feels embarrassment, intimidation, harassment, fear, shyness among other feelings?

Children tend to feel intimidated by new people, new crowds, and new places.

My son is only three and not too long ago I was forcing him to say to everyone and I would punish him for not being polite and saying hello to people. That’s pretty harsh isn’t it?

I realized that when I would put him on the spot and woulfd force him to say hello to more than one person in outdoor settings he would retract and tended to hide behind me. I saw it as a sign of disrespect or rebellion. I remember getting upset, but because deep inside I feared that people would think that I was not teaching my son any manners.

WHAT WAS I THINKING!!!!!

It’s unrealistic to expect maturity and complete politeness from a 3-year-old.

It’s crazy to put my son on the spot out of fear of what others would think about me as a mother. All I was doing was embarrassing my poor little one. All that I was accomplishing was making my son feel bad for expecting politeness from him.

I’ve realized that we should not parent out of fear of what others may think of us.

I’ve realized that a child possesses an immature nature and one must not force them to become mature before their time.

Let’s embrace our kids’ immaturity and discipline them with love and compassion.

Let’s be conscious that our actions may embarrass our children.

Our actions may instill fear in them.

Our irrational behaviors may cause them to shy away from new experiences because we want to force them to react in ways that we believe is right.

Do what I do. Pray and ask God to help you discipline righteously.
Let’s discipline with a focus on embracing our children’s nature, rather than out fear for what others may think of you.

Maritza

Parenting… Why it’s important.

The way you are raised determines who you become. Parenting has a major influence in your character. Our parents’ actions teach us how to deal with situations. Their actions teach us about integrity, about love, on how to speak to others, and how to respond to obstacles, etc.

TO ME parenting is leaves a deep mark in our hearts and soul. Parenting can either lead is to become needy people and lead us to becoming adults that dangerously crave love among other things. Parenting when done well can help children become independent and confident as adults.

Parenting can either propel people to become the best version of themselves or can produce broken adults whom are seeking to constantly recover from their insecurities instilled in childhood.

When I was a child my father never paid attention to me unless he was drunk. My mother did spend time with me, however, most of the time she was preoccupied with house chores that I felt ignored. Therefore, I lacked attention and my need for love from my father grew into a huge whole in my heart. This whole became unbearable and when my teenage years came around I thought that a boyfriend or boyfriends could fill that whole, but I was wrong because IT WAS NEVER ENOUGH. My love tank was always running on empty because I realized that I was giving away more love than what I was receiving. That’s when I turned to drugs and self-medicated.

Back in 2013, when my son was born, I decided to do my research on parenting.

I found that the first thing that I had to do to raise a healthy child and honorable man, the first thing that I had to do was work on myself.

I had to face my wast once again and find out which insecurities were instilled in me by my parents and how to stray away from committing the same mistakes.

Today I look at my parents with eyes of love and mercy because they did not know any better. They did what they could with what they were taught. I also have forgiven the man who abused me because that also instilled in me another load of insecurities, and for the glory of God I have overcome many and continue to overcome others daily.

Keep becoming a better version of yourself, for you and to give your children the opportunity to live a childhood that’s an upgraded version of the one that you lived.

The time is NOW, 2017!

-M

Instagram: @ivmana