Clouded by thoughts of Doubt


Every day is the same battle for me. Doubt clouds my thoughts. I have doubts of all types and it’s as if DOUBT has taken on human form and is someone that I seem to be trying to fight off every day. I’m a stay at home mom to a 2 year old boy and the two roles of being a wife and a mom keep me plenty busy. In addition to that I also attending school online which can be time consuming and keep me busy as well.

But then there are those moments that I find myself thinking about how my life has turned out. These moments consume me and for some reason they always happen when I’m driving and when I take my son to the park. At times I feel that as a stay at home mom I’m investing time in the most important job in the world which is being a mother to a boy whom will later be an active member of society, but other times I feel so unproductive all because I don’t work outside my home at an actual job. I question my purpose in life, I compare my successes to others, and I feel like mine don’t amount to much because my job as a stay at home mom does not produce an actual income.

All of these encounters with Doubt leave me exhausted and unhappy, leading me to question my abilities and talents. I question whether or not what I have to say matters. I love writing and speaking to others about Jesus, His love and what God has done in my life. Deep inside I know that my purpose is linked to speaking to the youth & young adults about God, but I experience too many moments where I doubt this purpose. I doubt whether God uses me when I speak, I doubt God’s purpose for my career. Mostly, I feel a burning desire to be that successful business woman that I always see hidden within me, but the doubt seems to always win over the thoughts of faith and belief.

I feel like I’m torn in half between faith and self-doubt.

To be continued….


I pray, but God doesn’t respond…


I have moments of frustration. Moments when I pray and worship and although I feel at peace I’m left hoping to finally receive the answer I’m looking for or atleast a sign. This hope turns into impatience and frustration as I face the same issues day after day, week after week and still I see no change or miracle to my circumstances. God revealed something powerful to me this week. He showed me how he is always in control and always present although it might not seem like it and its because he allows us to go through moments of silence that he is trying to show us the side of him that is not only the provider of changes & miracles, but rather a father that comforts us and gives us peace through any storm or dry period in our walk with him. I’ve decided to sit back and although I feel pain I will dwell in his presence by seeking for him through prayer and worship.

A World of Mannequins

We are living in times where we are simply mirroring the actions, behaviors and even the appearance of the people we see. We are copies of each other. This mirroring affect that we are all engaging into is driven by envy, a desire to be accepted or the need for attention. These are all derivatives of needs that we are trying so hard to fulfill, but in the end it will never be enough.


Some of us feel so invisible that we may feel the need to make ourselves visible through social media by creating this overall image of ourselves that we would like people to see because we might consider such portraits attention worthy. As a result, this feeds our ego and mildly satiates our need to be applauded, admired or just simply noticed by others.

The purpose of mannequins is to project an image that will arouse in us the desire to possess that, that is being projected whether it be a style, lifestyle or in some cases it can mean the desire to possess wealth. We are all mannequins trying to project an enticing image to be viewed by all, to be accepted, envied and followed.

What we should be focusing on is embracing our differences, our talents and developing new skills to become the best version of ourselves. We need to become extraordinary people worthy of being admired because of the knowledge and wisdom that we have acquired through our experiences.

I urge you to walk your path, live the best life that you can live, invest time in what you are passionate about, learn from your experiences and embrace your flaws.

Someone needs to hear what you have been through. Someone out there needs to hear what you have to say. Someone will be encouraged by your wisdom. Today you can help someone else overcome an obstacle. Today you can impact someone’s life through all the love that you have to give. Today someone needs your talent to be elevated onto another level of success. Be people that mirror a unique image different from those around you because only then will you be a distinguished and admirable person that will be easily followed.

Be that fresh unique image of inspiration that someone needs today.

Women today seek to stimulate men and attract attention to themselves via their sensuality…

More and more I see women becoming shrines that symbolize lust, sensuality and an intense need to be provocative to all men. This is not a demonstration of strength, instead it shows how weak we are to surrender to the inner need for attention and the need to show the world our bodies. Women feel the need to flaunt beauty in a sensual form and this is far from what we should be doing.

Beauty is not a certain body type and it’s certainly not sensuality. Beauty is the way we carry ourselves with poise and elegance. Beauty is loving others and being helpful to those in need. Beauty is also being compassionate and always serving as an open ear to hear out those who are hurting. True beauty is loving yourself enough not to, practically, beg for attention through vulgar pictures of your most intimate parts that should be reserved specifically for your husband. That is beauty.

Beauty is being reserved, slow to speak and kind. This is not what the world tells us. All around we find women parading themselves as an attractive toy waiting to be used by men.

I do not know about you, but deep in my heart I desire to be loved by one man, who honors me, admires me and respects me in every way. Women are expecting this, but they send the wrong message with the way they present themselves.

It’s time that the eyes of women be opened to the reality that to be weak is to give in to your lustful desires, but to remain still and know what you are worth, is to go against the current of women who are like sensual shrines seeking desperately for attention. If only they would know that the less clothes they wear and the more skin they show, the more they scream out to the world their internal need for attention and acceptance.

We need to raise an army of women that believe in honor, respect for themselves and for all the husbands that are out there.

“By remaining and dressing in a conservative manner I’m not only reserving myself for my husband, in fact I’m honoring myself, my husband, and I’m also helping married and single men from committing adultery and pursuing lustful thoughts with my body”

God bless those women who seek for the Lord, who stand for purity and honor.

Dating, Marriage and Divorce – Cycle

Look around and count how many successful marriages you know. Sadly, that number is low.

When we date we are driven by the feelings and emotions as well as the rush of being with someone who is new to us, but we expect that these feelings will last. Then somehow, if we seem not to feel this surge of emotions flowing in us anymore, we assume that there is no love in the relationship, so it’s part. It’s then when we start all over again hunting for the next special someone that can provide us with those same lustful and passionate feelings to then find out later that those too were temporary.

We shouldn’t base love to a feeling, but rather to a decision especially when considering marriage. If you enter the world of marriage thinking that you will live happily ever after with strong feelings all throughout your marriage, you are kidding yourself. Marriage takes so many twists and turns, and you MUST decide to love your partner beyond situations, feelings and circumstances.

I myself have experienced moments where I do not “FEEL” love for my husband, but yet I decide to love him by honoring him with respect, loyalty, support and faithfulness. Now, that my friends is what I have learned to identify as love. It’s deciding to be there for your partner beyond your own emotions. Many people might disagree, but it is so much easier to follow a protocol that has already been set than setting your own boundaries and expectations on how we think we should love another person and what love means to us.

By protocol I’m referring to God. God has provided us with the recipe for a prosperous relationship and marriage all in the Holy Bible in Corinthians 13. It is when we fail to follow this recipe that we end up cooking a whole different meal than the one we intended to cook, simply because we decided to skip certain steps and add our own ingredients. That’s when dating becomes a parade of men and women, commitments are none existent, divorce knocks on our door, children come from broken homes and everyone pretends to live happy lives. Yet, inside we feel regret, a sense of loss, sadness, guilt, doubt and you can fill in the lines here.

My greatest wish for everyone is that they can experience a true, God given relationship and marriage so that less children experience the devastation of a broken home, men and women can experience true love and so that we may come face to face with the reality that Jesus is alive and will work in our lives if we choose to have a relationship with Him by following His guidance for us. Start, through a conversational prayer to God and read the bible daily, with the purpose of getting to know God and learn about the many ways that He loves you. Start a relationship with your Creator and you will understand who you are and your purpose in life through His manual known as the bible. There you will find the best recipe to cook up the best life you could ever live here on earth.